Hi! Um, yeah, Beyancca here again. ‘er, yeah well Christmas time again ain’t
it. Oh sorry mustn’t get like
Well it’s cold, nippy or bloody freezing, which ever
you choose really. The yard’s covered in
ice and getting about is proving difficult for those horses with mountain boots
and dam near impossible for Confiada, who won’t wear them.
I walked out of my box to be greeted by a blast of wind that was so
cold, I withdrew back into the lee of the barn.
My breath steamed in the freezing air as I contemplated what I should do
next. My instincts were telling me:
“Go back
into your box and keep warm Beyancca.”
But I knew I must work, hard though it was to come to that
decision. I clenched my teeth and forged
ahead into the arctic conditions. I made
my way carefully towards the indoor riding school. I slipped a few times on the ice and had some
hair raising moments when my hind feet slid from under me, and I had to fight
for balance on ice. But soon I managed
to get to the school. I stumbled in and
was greeted by our resident mule. Her
name’s muffin, I think she’s been mentioned in passing once before. She’s not a bad sort, a bit green when she
works, but she’s trying hard and that’s all anyone can ask.
“Hi
Beyancca,” she brayed.
“Morning
Muffin,” I replied. She looked me up and down.
“So
you’re the horse all the yard’s talking about,” she said.
“Um
yeah, if they’ve been talking about Beyancca, then you’re talking to her,” I replied.
The mule peered at me closely.
“If you
don’t mind me saying, you’re a lot larger than I first thought,” I thought:
“Complement or insult?” I let it
go. Muffin took my silence to mean that
her comment had either gone unnoticed for it’s possible innuendoes, or had been
ignored altogether. As for me,
well, I have an almost intrusive
fascination with Muffin. I don’t know
what triggered it, but I can’t take my gaze off her when we’re working
together. Don’t worry, there’s nothing
sinister in my interest. I’m just
totally mystified that such a creature exists!
I mean, Muffin’s not a donkey, nor is she a horse, but she’s, oh how can
I put it? Muffin’s a cross between the
two. A horse with long ears and a quick
temper, a mule in other words. Then I
came to another question which had to be answered. I asked Muffin for help:
“I know
this might sound stupid Muffin, but why did the humans name you Muffin? After all, muffins are cake like things
aren’t they? You’re definitely not one
of those!” For answer Muffin collapsed
on the peat and rolled about laughing helplessly. The stupid creature thrashed about with all
four legs and, well, brayed with laughter.
“What’s so
funny?” I asked lamely. Muffin calmed down a little and tried to
reply, but her amusement at my mistake got the better of her and I got no reply
to my question. I felt like ordering her
to pull her socks up and answer me, but I reasoned that this would be an abuse
of power. But then I corrected myself:
“Um,
hang on a minute B’. Muffin doesn’t ware
socks. So how can she pull them
up?” Sorry! Crazy thought! Oh dear!
I’m going scatty! I wish this
bloody human wouldn’t write everything down I say to him! Oh no!
He’s written that now! Dam you
Human! Phew, that over with. Sorry for that. Now where was I? Ah yes, Muffin’s still rolling on the peat
flooring of the small indoor school isn’t she.
Well after she’d recovered I tried again.
“Muffin,
now calm down dear and tell me what all that carry on was about,” I said.
Muffin grinned from ear to ear.
“Muffin
was a puppet mule who used to appear on the T.V. didn’t you know that?” She asked.
I replied:
“Well no
I didn’t.” Muffin yawned and stretched.
“Got to
work today,” she observed. Realising
that I hadn’t taken a look at my diary for that day, I took my leave of Muffin
and walked carefully back to my box. I
rifled through the pages on my calendar.
I thought:
“Bloody
pages have fallen down again, I’m back To January! Have to get the Manageress to put a nail in
the used pages someday.” I found
December, found the seventh of said month and found that I had an hour working
in the riding school with Muffin. I spun
round on my right hind foot, and ended up on the concrete! I squealed as I fell! I lay stunned for a few seconds before trying
to get up. My sudden meeting with the
hard icy concrete of the yard had brought the humans flooding into the
barn. I got up almost apologetically,
and tried to put a:
“What
happened there?” expression on my
face. But it didn’t work, never did as a
rule. I straightened up and, after the
Manageress and my riding instructor friend had examined me anxiously for broken
bits, I slithered back to the warmth of my box.
Collapsing on the straw I reflected on what a miserable
day it was. The early snow had turned to
intermittent rain and now spattered the yard in a most annoying fashion. I cursed the weather in a harsh whisper and
tried to get warm. I felt the Manageress
stroking me as I drifted off.
When I awoke I saw snow had begun to fall. I opened my
door and walked out into the freezing air.
It was dark now and the yard was just freezing, no sorry, closing up for
the night. I plodded along to the barn
where Jinja was spending the winter.
Banging on his door I didn’t wait for an answer before busting in. Jinja was eating straw and leapt five feet
into the air when he saw me. What he
said then, well, the typist wouldn’t print it.
He whipped round and stared at me in the half darkness.
“B,
Beyancca, is that you dear?” He asked
hoarsely. Jinja coughed and spat on the
straw in a most disgusting display.
“yuck! Why do you have to do that
Jinj’?” I asked.
“Sorry, it
was either that or choke on it,” he replied.
The wind slammed into the barn door, Jinja grimaced at the weather.
“Horrid
situation out there tonight,” he observed.
“yeah,
glad I’m not out in that,” I
replied. I turned to go back to my
box. My hoof was on the handle so to
speak, when Jinja stopped me.
“No, B’,
Don’t go, please don’t go!” He
pleaded. His tone held desperation.
“What is
it Jinj’?” I asked. Jinja’s embarrassment was plain, but even
that, acute as it was, could not hide his real emotions.
“Please
B’, please stay with me tonight. Don’t
go, stay here.” His voice cracked. He tried to hide his tears, but I’d seen them
already. Jinja sniffed as if he’d got a
cold.
“Trying to
make out he’s not really close to balling his eyes out,” I thought.
Jinja hugged me then. His embrace
held desperate sadness and intolerable loneliness. I remembered then our conversation of a month
ago.
Jinja rested his head on my shoulder. He was weeping openly now. I didn’t need to ask what was upsetting him,
I knew right enough. All I could do was hold
him close and try my best to comfort him.
Eventually Jinja stopped crying.
He dried his eyes and looked at me.
“Sorry
about that. I, I didn’t mean,,,”
“There’s no
need to apologise Jinj’,” I reassured
him. Jinja gulped:
“She left
me B’. Rosie left me forever,” he
whispered.
“No
Jinj’, not forever. You’ll see her again
someday. Then you’ll never be apart,
never, ever apart. But until then you’ve
got to make a go at life. You can’t give
up now. Rosie wouldn’t wish you to would
she?”
“No B’
she wouldn’t,” he replied softly. I
said:
“Try and
remember the good times you had with her Jinj’.
You have to move on from thinking about the manner of her passing, to
the things that were good in your lives together. She loved you Jinja! Don’t ever forget that. In Rosie’s eyes you
were the best thing that ever happened to her!”
I lay down in the deep straw bedding and Jinja, as best a horse can,
curled up beside me and rested his head on my shoulder once more. I said:
“I know
it’s hard Jinja, but you have to carry on on your own.” Then I thought:
“Man
that sounds crappy,” It did, I knew it
did, and so did Jinja! He lost
control! Jinja screamed into my ear:
“How can
you say that! You have no idea what it’s
like! None what so bloody ever
Beyancca! Get out! Get out!”
I obeyed his commands and rose to leave.
I was pushing open the door when he collapsed onto the straw, weeping
like a foal. I turned back and saw Jinja
for what he really was. A grief stricken
horse who wanted his mate by his side at Christmas. I decided to try and remind Jinja of the good
times Rosie and he’d had together. I
went back to his side, settled down and drew him close to me. Cradling his head on my shoulder, I began to
whisper into his ear.
“Hey
Jinj’! Remember the time last Christmas
when we all got pissed? Rosie led that
didn’t she? Yeah, and do you remember
how Rosie would play on jingle’s hatred of Merry Christmas Everybody? I think that was Jingle’s only pet hate, but
she loathed it and still does. And there
was Rosie yelling it’s Christmas! At the
top of her voice.” All through this
Jinja listened to me. Now and then he
would mutter something unintelligible under his breath. But when I got to the part where we all
started singing, well, then Jinja really livened up! You know what? He even started singing!
“Be quiet
Jinja! You’ll wake every horse in the
place!” I warned. Jinja carolled:
“Feed
the world, let them know it’s Christmas time!”
There was suddenly loud thumping on the door:
“Shut it
Jinja!” Confiada bellowed. Suddenly she tore the door open and advanced
into Jinja’s territory. Confiada tripped
over him in the dark, she landed smack on top of him! As she levered herself off of Jinja’s back
Confiada blustered:
“Have you
got a good excuse for your behaviour?
Why were you singing, no, warbling that disgraceful song!” I said:
“That’s a
matter of opinion. Five weeks at number
one, made eight million quid for charity.”
Confiada’s hoof smashed into my shoulder!
“”Shut
your bloody mouth!” She screeched. My squeal of pain brought a deluge of horses
into the barn. They beat Confiada
senseless! Ruby and Chantilly dragged
the unconscious mare out into the freezing night and they closed the door
behind them. I shifted slightly and
wished fervently that I hadn’t. My
shoulder hurt like hell! I swore under
my breath and tried to get comfortable.
But I couldn’t do it, no matter how I tried, my shoulder still gave me
trouble. Jinja watched my discomfort
with growing unease.
“You got
that because of my stupid actions,” he said.
My shoulder was beginning to seize up now. The pain was getting worse and I couldn’t
stand it much longer.
“Go, Go and get the Manageress Jinj’,
Before I go mad Jinj’,” I gasped. Jinja hesitated:
“But it’s
three in the morning Beyancca,” he protested.
“I don’t
care! Go now! That’s an order!” I shouted.
Jinja fled from the barn.
“Stupid
bloody idiot!” I thought angrily. The pain from my shoulder was beginning to
affect my vision now. Everything swum in
and out of focus and to top it off, the barn started spinning. Round and round, and then with a sickening
lurch, upside-down!” I passed out.
When I regained consciousness I found the Manageress
preparing an injection for me.
“Stick it
in,” I thought. I know I’ve said this before, but I hate
needles. But then, as many times before,
I have welcomed that sting. For after that,
nothing, absolutely nothing. No pain,
just sleep, oblivion for a long, long time.
I felt the needle’s prick and slowly drifted off into a drug induced
sleep. You see, morphine does that sort
of thing. I could feel the Manageress
stroking me, but it was as if she was very far away. It felt almost as if the nose she was
stroking wasn’t mine at all. I felt warm
and safe, contentment at last. Jinja lay
down beside me. The Manageress, knowing
that Jinja would look after me, took her leave closing the door behind her.
Jinja rested his nose on my neck. He thought:
“you look
so like Rosie lying there Beyancca. I
know you’re not Rosie, but you’re so like her in so many ways that, well, you
know something B’? Sometimes In moments
of madness, I’ve even got to thinking that you’re Rosie’s double. But you’re not, you’re no relation to
her. I have to remember that.” Jinja said:
“You’re
wonderful Beyancca,” I thought:
“Thanks
Jinj’ dear. But I’m not Rosie.” Jinja nuzzled my shoulder.
“Can you
feel that B’?” He asked. Of course I couldn’t answer him. I drifted on the edge of a sleep that I
couldn’t really get into properly. Jinja
suddenly squealed:
“Don’t
die on me B’!” How could I assure him
that I wasn’t anywhere near death? I
couldn’t really. Jinja tried to
sleep. But this led to thinking about
Rosie, and then to total breakdown.
“Rosie
darling, I miss you so much,” he sobbed.
The morphine was wearing off now.
I Reached over to him and touched his nose with mine. I tried to form words to tell him that I was
fine.
“Not dying
Jinj’, just high on drugs,” I
murmured. Jinja gulped hard trying for
all he was worth to brighten up a little.
He turned his tear filled eyes my way.
“Thanks
for everything Beyancca,” He sniffed,
“You’ve
been a great help,” he said. He nuzzled
my aching shoulder as gently as he could.
The stable clock said seven in the morning and the day
was freezing! I limped out of Jinja’s
barn and stumbled along to the office. I
tried to ask where the Manageress had got to, but I fear it sounded nothing
like that. My tongue wasn’t responding
to my commands. I gabbled out some sort
of enquiry and got:
“She’s up
at the house.” As a response.
“Sod
it!” I thought angrily:
“I can’t
walk that far with my shoulder like it is!
I curse the day Confiada was born!” But then I felt guilty for even
wishing that on her. I asked the
instructor to phone through and see if the Manageress would give me another
shot of morphine. The Manageress
appeared after a short while and nearly had a fit when she saw me.
“What the
hell’re you doing standing up Beyancca?
Go back to your box now!” I
looked at her in some puzzlement.
“I haven’t
been told not to walk about,” I
thought. The Manageress picked up a
lunging whip and virtually drove me back to my box. I flopped on the straw and looked up hopefully
at the Manageress to see if she had any more morphine for me.
“No more
drugs B’. I can’t give you any more
morphine,” she said. I thought:
“Well what
am I meant to do then?” Fleur spoke up
then:
“take some
parasetomol or something.”
“Shut it Fleur!” Misty snapped. I ignored Fleur’s ill advised comment and fixed the Manageress with my best attempt at a sorrowful look.
“You
can’t fool me with that,” she said. She
fiddled with the whip making the thong slap against the concrete. I watched the whip’s antics and wondered WHAT
WOULD HAPPEN NEXT. The Manageress said:
“The vet says
you can’t have any more morphine Beyancca,”
I held up my right forefoot to stop her:
“Um,
Jinja’s missing Rosie, thought I’d better let you know,” I said.
“Oh dear,
poor Jinja. He never really came to
terms with her death did he.” The
Manageress replied. She asked:
“Were you
comforting him when you got into a scrape with Confiada?”
“Yeah, I
was trying to make him see what good times he’d had with Rosie,” I replied.
The Manageress started to say:
“You’re
a good girl B’,,,” I stopped her:
“Don’t
start that, please don’t start that.
It’s embarrassing!” The human
started stroking my neck.
“I’m glad
Rosie chose you to be leader,” she whispered.
I rested my head on the Manageress’s shoulder and let her stroke my
cares away.
I was woken by the Manageress gently scratching the
soft fur on the inner surface of my ear.
I sighed contentedly and straightened up. The Manageress seemed to notice that I had
woken.
“Oh, hi
B’. You’re awake then,” she remarked. I yawned expansively:
“Yeah,
pretty much,” I replied. I shook myself and looked at the human
standing beside me. Suddenly all the
pressures of the last few weeks came crashing down on me and I couldn’t take
it. I felt very tearful and did my best
to hide the fact. But the Manageress,
human though she undoubtedly was, had a horse’s sixth sense and now it was on
red alert. She hugged me and asked:
“What’s
troubling you B’?” I took a shuddering
breath. I thought:
“How can
I tell her of Jinja’s torment, and of my own also? How can I tell her that I, mature as I maybe,
am still young enough not to be able to detach myself from the situations of
others and lead my own life independently of any influence from them? I mean, Rosie could do it, she had experience
and endless confidence. I have very
little of either of these. I’m just a
young horse, not even in my eighth year yet, and this has happened. Am I destined to do everything before I am
properly equipped to attempt those tasks?
If this is so, well who’s gonna listen to a virtual foal?” I felt dreadfully sick. I had a horrible knot in the pit of my stomach
that wouldn’t go away. I knew the cause
of that not, Jinja in the most part, and my feelings of futility and guilt at
not being able to do much except speak kind words to him. Jinja wasn’t loved by any horse in the
yard. The humans adored him, and he
adored them. But after Rosie’s death, of
the horses, well, only Ruby had shown him any real affection. But now that was passed also. After Jinja had felt love from another of his
own species he wanted more. I say no
horse loved Jinja, but I did. I am
willing to be a friend to him, to comfort him, listen to his problems, anything
in fact. But there was one thing he had
to learn and accept. That thing was the
plain fact that I am not Rosie! I cannot
ever be like her! In ability to work
various riding styles, well yes maybe.
But I am Beyancca. I might also
hold much the same status as Rosie did, you know, leader n’all. But I cannot, and must not ever be seen to
replace Rosie! I cannot do this! You can never replace anybody, be they horse
or human! I wish Jinja would learn to
treasure Rosie’s memory and learn to get on with his life!
I lowered my head onto the Manageress’s shoulder and
lost it totally. I sobbed like a
foal. I could not express myself in any
other way. Those words which exist in
the equine language cannot express anything so awful as loneliness, grief or
death. We have no such words to describe
these things. We have to do the best we
can and the humans do the rest. You will
have read some terrible stories during these accounts, but it is the humans,
and not the horses who put the punch into what you read on the page. Sometimes the typist has to go over an
episode with me time and time again to get it right. The Manageress seemed to understand my
distress. She whispered into my ear.
“Don’t
cry Beyancca. Please don’t cry dear,”
she pleaded. I sniffed:
“What else
can I do to help Jinja?” I asked. The Manageress said a strange thing then.
“You must
take the bit between your teeth and do something to liven up the herd B’. You must take the role of instigator. Your job is not just to sort out squabbles
and deal out justice. It is also to set
in motion events that cause the rest of the herd to realise that while not
forgetting those who have passed away, that this time of year, Christmas, is
one to be merry. I know it’s going to be
hard to do it Beyancca. But you must try
dear. You must try your best to do
something to cheer them up.” I thought
of the events that took place last Christmas.
“Rosie
certainly knew how to pull a stunt off.
I haven’t the faintest clue,” I
thought. I said:
“I’ll give it a go.” The Manageress patted my nose and left. I started puzzling out what I was going to do
for Christmas. I thought back to what
Rosie had done. She had annoyed Jingle,
unintentionally of course, by singing Merry Christmas Everybody at the top of
her voice. But then all the horses had
grouped together and joined in the festive spirit. I remember singing till late on in the
evening. I remembered also Cleo telling
me that I couldn’t sing and would I kindly desist from it. I ignored her and sang ever louder. But now, what was I going to do now? I wished Rosie were still here to give me
advice. But I was on my own. I sighed heavily and walked out of the barn.
I walked out of the yard and down the lane to where
the hacking trail started. I quickened
my pace to a jog, my shod feet making hardly a sound on the frosty grass. I broke into a canter and then a gallop! The wind seemed to lift me off the ground at
every stride! I fairly flew across that
field, and the next and the next! I
slowed reluctantly to a walk and turned the bend to the right.
I stopped dead!
A cart lay on the grass verge, it’s driver unconscious on the road and
the poor horse struggling to free herself from the harness which was gradually
choking her. I sprinted towards the scene
and stopped beside the panic stricken mare.
I saw she wasn’t from our yard, she couldn’t have been from our place
because I would have recognised her instantly, and there was no recognition
here.
The poor grey mare looked in a very bad way
indeed. Her ribs heaved and she was
bathed in sweat. Her eyes when they
focused on me were terrified! Her face
held an expression of utter desperation.
She breathed harshly through what airway she had left. As I watched the poor mare gasped and coughed
where there was obviously no room to cough.
Her whole body seemed to heave convulsively as she fought for air. I know this description is quite detailed. But in real time all what is described above
took a matter of minutes. Two or three,
no more than that. The cart’s driver was
unconscious on the road, or so I thought.
But when I examined him, I
seemed to wake him up.
A torrent of abuse came my direction.
I left the now conscious cart driver and attended to the mare. The driver wasn’t gonna do it was he! The
bastard was too groggy from his tumble and probably, from the look he gave me,
wouldn’t have given two sugar lumps about the welfare of his horse. I went over to the mare and took a look at
her more closely. I looked the mare
straight in her eye.
“Can you hear me?” I asked.
The response was angry and full of anguish.
“Yes of
course I bloody can!” She gasped. I took a look at the harness that almost
throttled the mare. I realised that the
harness in itself was not to blame for her condition. Her reigns were wrapped around her neck and
tightened their grip with every desperate attempt the mare made to gain her
freedom. Now I know what you expect. In a certain book, the name of which I will
not mention, the horses are able to thread needles with their pasterns. I am not about to do that or anything
remotely like it! Come on, I’m just an
ordinary mare, I couldn’t do that in a million years. But I could have a go at trying to lift the
cart back onto it’s wheels. It was the
cart’s position on the grass verge which was making the mare’s troubles
worse. I went behind the cart and found
that I could get my shoulder beneath the cart enough to lift it. When I tried however, I found it to be almost
too heavy to shift. The Mare began to
squeal something about her leg going numb.
I ignored her and kept on lifting the cart. Slowly ever so slowly the cart rose into the
air. Sweat was now pouring off me! I put all my strength into shifting that
cart. When the cart finally rocked back
onto it’s wheels I found myself collapsing onto the grass exhausted by my
effort. I lay there for a long time
waiting for my strained muscles and taught nerves to relax. I felt a nose furiously nuzzling mine.
“The
mare’s got up and she’s come to take a look at her rescuer,” I thought.
Then a voice I recognised said urgently:
“Mum, Mum!”
“Josh,” I thought
gratefully. I opened my eyes and looked
at the foal who was my Son but also a great friend. He stared back wonderingly.
“’ell
mum. What’ve you been getting yourself
into now?” he teased.
“It’s no
laughing matter Josh. There was a cart
on it’s side on the verge,,,” I
proceeded to tell him the whole thing.
Josh nodded:
“yeah, I
know ‘er, the mare I mean. She’s
currently scoffing grass like it’s going out of fashion. Cor’ mum!
She’s got manners like Confiada’s!
When I went to ask ‘er if she was all right she told me to, told me to
piss off mum!” Josh began to cry.
“I was
only trying to ‘elp,” he sobbed.
“I know
Josh, I know that my dear,” I said
soothingly. Josh buried his head in my
shoulder and I felt his tears wetting my fur.
I hugged him as best I could.
“Look
Josh, some horses are like that. No matter
what you do for them, they’ll never even consider what trouble you went to to help them,” I replied.
“But mum,
it, it’s wrong, wrong for her not to show gratitude for what you did for her,”
he choked. I rubbed his nose hard with
mine. The sensation caused Josh to
settle down beside me.
“It’s cold
out ‘ere mum,” he said. I struggled to
my feet and motioned to him to follow me.
We approached the mare and I asked her why she’d spoken to Josh in such
an insulting way. The mare turned her
back on me. Josh lost his cool and
yelled at her.
“If it
wasn’t for my mum, you’d be dead bitch!”
he yelled. The mare whipped round
and launched a flying kick at him. Josh
jumped for his life and the mare’s hoof missed his head by an inch! I flattened the mare and stood over her.
“you
listen to me! I should have let you
die! I know now I shouldn’t have let you
go free. I should have let the reigns
strangle you to death! Because, I’ve
heard your language, it’s awful! Not
only is it insulting, but you’re talking to my foal! You told him to piss off! No horse tells my foal to piss off and gets
away with it!” I bellowed. The mare bared her teeth and lashed out at me
with a sharp forefoot. The flying hoof caught me on the nose as I
leapt for cover. My nose began to bleed
profusely. The mare jumped to her feet
and bolted! I watched her go as my blood
dripped onto the grass. Josh stared at
my bloody nose in horror.
“She gave
you quite a kick,” he observed. The cut
wasn’t deep, but there are many blood vessels in a horses nose, and it was
these which were venting their distress at being disturbed. Soon however the blood dried up and all was
fine. Josh looked sad.
“I can’t
‘elp feeling really bad about what ‘appened a few minutes ago. That mare treated you like dirt mum.” Suddenly he shouted:
“I ‘ate
‘er bloody guts!” I tried to soothe my
foal’s ruffled fur. Suddenly Josh
screamed in terror!
“What’s
wrong now?” I asked wearily. The plain truth was that I was growing very
sleepy. Josh pointed with his right
forefoot at the cart driver.
“’e’s
gonna flatten me!” He screeched.
“No Josh
darling. The cart driver won’t hurt you
dear. He’s angry with his horse, not you
love,” I reassured him. The cart driver was stamping about and
swearing at the top of his voice.
“The
bloody sod! Why didn’t I listen to the
owner? He said that horse was no bloody
good and he was right! Now I’ve wrecked
his cart and his nag has gone AWOL!”
“Who’s fault was that?” I thought unsympathetically. Josh was obviously frightened of the cart
driver and made no attempt to hide the fact.
I watched the maddened human intently.
I didn’t want him approaching my foal unchallenged. I guess I’d picked up a little of Josh’s
fear. The cart driver came up close to
me and punched me on the nose! Squealing
with rage and pain I struck out at him with my forefeet! My right forefoot connected solidly with his
ribs and sent him flying into the air! I
watched in amazement as the human flew through the air and landed heavily on
the smashed cart. He lay unmoving on the battered cart. I walked up to him and yelled into his face!
“Get up
there! Go on move it! Come on!
Get up you lousy bugger!” The poor
human, who’d obviously had a bad day and felt I was making it worse, groaned to
his feet and staggered in front of me. I
drove him as best I could, across the road and into a field. Josh waited patiently on the other side. I frisked the human for a mobile phone, found
one and pulled it out for him.
“Phone
your boss and tell him what a bloody ass you’ve been!” I commanded.
I indicated the phone.
“I’m not
gonna obey a bloody nag!” The man
screeched. I snatched the phone and made
as if to crush it. I never knew humans
were so attached to their toys. The Man
yelled incoherent sound at me and snatched the phone back. The aerial got snapped off in the process.
“now look
what you’ve done. You’ve busted
it!” I whimpered. I stuck the aerial back into the hole with
some difficulty and ordered the human to do what I said, or I would crush his
precious phone.
“Go on,
make that call,” I said quietly. I felt Josh sidling up beside me. The Man made the call and told the human on
the other end that he was being held hostage by a huge white mare wearing
mountain boots, who was demanding a ransom for his return.
“Rubbish!” I thought
angrily. But I let the human have his
fantacy. I let the unfortunate human
finish his call and then did as I had threatened, I threw the phone on the
ground and crushed it with my foot. It
made a satisfying “scrunch,” I ground
the pieces into the grass with the toe of my boot and when I had finished,
looked at the human.
“Now we’re
gonna leave you. You will have to make
your own way back to wherever you came from,”
I said. I would have offered him
a lift. But his treatment of me had
soured that intention and now I wasn’t even gonna offer him the chance to pet
me!
“But my
cart’s a goner, my bloody horse has done a bunk also! How the hell am I gonna get back to
Woodbridge before dark?” The human
asked. He suddenly yelled into my ear at
point blank range!
“It was
the mare, the mare I tell you! It was
her stupid antics that caused the cart to go over and nearly kill both of
us! And now all you can bloody do is
save the mare, and then when she treats you like shit you let her go! Then, then,,,” The driver realised what he’d done to me
also.
“Oh, I’ve
stuffed myself haven’t I? I vented my
anger at my own horse on you.” Josh
said:
“Yeah
you did ‘uman. I’d very much doubt if
mum will do anything for you after what you’ve done to ‘er.” The human tried to put his arms round
me. I shook him off and made signals to
him, for he wasn’t up on the intricacies of the equine language, that I did not
want him to touch me. The human dropped
to his knees and literally begged me to give him a lift to Woodbridge. I knew the route to Woodbridge well enough,
but had a disinclination to visit it. I
had made some very determined enemies of the local equine population when I’d
accidentally strayed into an occupied field during a carnival I was attending. The horses haven’t forgotten my intrusion and
have often made spiteful remarks as I passed on my way through the town. I shook my head.
“No, this
horse is not going to take you to Woodbridge.
Sorry n’all that,” I said. The man looked down at his crushed phone.
“So you’re
gonna go and leave me here,” he stated.
“Mmm yeah
we’re gonna do that.” Josh replied. But my resolve was cracking. The evening, for that’s what it was now, was
cold, and no horse, or human for that matter should be out in weather like
that, I relented.
“Look,
tell you what. I’ll carry you back to my
place and we’ll ask the Manageress if she’ll order a taxi or something for
you. I’ll explain the situation,” I suggested.
The poor human looked hopeful.
“Would
you? That’s wonderful!” He whooped.
The stupid fool would have kissed my boots if I hadn’t stopped him!
The human took a running jump and landed on my back
with a thud. I then rounded up Josh, who
had started to eat grass after getting bored with the whole carry on, and set
off at a brisk jog. The Man held on
loosely to my mane. My anger at his
treatment hadn’t quite abated however and I started loaping! The man squealed much like a horse would and
beat his fists on my neck. I knew this
was no way to stop a horse, and, although I knew what he wanted, I started
acting like any horse would. I squealed
and whinnied, making an absolute fool of myself in the process, but I didn’t
care. Then I stopped my horseplay, shut my
mouth, stretched out my neck and bolted!
The human screamed at me:
“Stop! Stop!
Please stop! You bugger! Do as I tell you you stupid animal!” I didn’t listen. I concentrated on putting my feet to the
ground as fast as I could. I seemed to
fly with every stride and it was not long before Josh, myself and the human were
back in the yard. I decanted the human
at the office and went wearily back to my box.
Flopping down on the straw I tried to relax. The adrenaline rush was still making itself
felt and I was fired up and couldn’t come down.
Josh came and lay beside me. He
rested his nose on my neck and closed his eyes, he was tired out.
“I was
walking round the yard and suddenly wondered where you’d got to. Chantilly said she’d seen you walking off
down the ‘acking trail, so I went that way.
I found you flat on the grass panting for breath and shivering
violently. You know the rest,” he said
sleepily. I pulled the straw round him
and Josh fell asleep soon after. The
Manageress came calling then. I sighed
heavily and rose to my feet.
“what can
I do for you,” I asked blearily. The Manageress held a crop, bridle and
reigns. I stared at them in
incomprehension.
“Perhaps
she’d forgotten to put them away? Or
most likely, was just on her way to do that?”
I mused. But I was wrong, the
Manageress had other ideas, and they did not include putting the tack away.
“Come on Beyancca!
We’re going to Woodbridge!”
“What? Oh hell no! Not there!
Please, please don’t make me go there,”
I pleaded. The Manageress then
told me something that made me so angry, I nearly broke my door in two!
“The
human you brought back from the wilderness says that you caused his cart to end
up on it’s side. Not only did you do
that, but you also smashed his phone, so he couldn’t phone for help, held him
hostage before that, and, and you also kicked him so hard he was nearly
killed. What have you got to say to
that!” She shouted. I felt so upset at this news that at first I
couldn’t answer her. I recovered a
little and replied hoarsely:
“It, it’s
not true. I never overturned the cart,
all right, I smashed his phone, but that’s all!
I told him before that to ring his boss and tell him what he’d done! Then, then I helped him back here. I did nothing to hurt him! Not intentionally!” The Manageress held up a crop to stop me.
“But you
did kick him didn’t you,” she stated.
“yeah, but
he attacked me! He punched me on the
nose! He did! He did I tell you!” The Manageress then noticed the blood on my
nose and commented on it.
“That’s from
the mare’s attack. She tried to attack
me when I told her where to go after she had told Josh where to go,” I replied.
“Mare? What mare?” The human asked. I told her about the grey mare entangled in
her harness. I told her also of the
rescue I had attempted and of the mare’s ingratitude and of her final assault
on me before running off into the distance.
The Manageress sighed:
“One of
you is liing. I’m inclined to believe
the human in this,,,” I kicked the
stable door so hard that it splintered in two and pieces of wood showered Candy
as she stood in her box!
“Hang
about! Hey watch it B’!” Candy complained. I puffed and blew my anger! At that moment I would have killed any human
who dared speak to me! My fur was
standing on end all along my back and my ears were flat back! In fact all the hairs on my body stood up on
end, I was mad! My voice cracked as I
asked:
“How can
you say that? How can you say that to
me? A horse who’s never lied to you in
her life and all you can do is say that you believe another human over the word
of a horse. I don’t know why I’m working
for you human. I’ve done so dam much for
you here. I took all Rosie’s work
without comment when she passed away. I
have been beaten black and blue by Confiada in my efforts to keep this herd
afloat, and all you can say to me, after all that! Is that I’m liing to you!” I would never and have never done that! What would be the point? In a horse’s world there’s no such thing as a
lie. We don’t tell lies. We might scheme, backchat, throw riders, but
we never lie to humans. Between horses,
yes then it does go on. But never has a
horse lied to a human, never in their existence!” I felt better after that. The Manageress stared at me in utter amazement.
“What’s
made you change Beyancca? You used to be
so quiet never raised a question to anything.
But now you’re in full cry,” I
looked over at Candy. She sported bits
of wood in her mane from my door. As I
watched she shook her head and a cascade of woodchips fluttered to the
concrete. I finally replied to the
Manageress’s statement.
“I don’t
feel you’ve taken into account all the events that took place on the road. You’ve not met the obnoxious mare that nearly
killed me, nor have you any idea why I hit the cart driver.”
“Why did
you hit the cart driver?” The Manageress
asked.
“He took
his frustration at losing his horse out on me.
He punched me on the nose. It
hurt!” The Manageress tried to put her
arms round my neck, I shook her off roughly!
This seemed to cut deeply, and it was meant to. For a human to brand a horse a liar is a very
serious thing indeed. The Manageress had
to understand that well. That if you
call a horse a liar to his or her face, you aren’t gonna be liked.
“Go and
talk this over with the blasted cart driver,”
I commanded. The Manageress, as
much as a human can, went away with her tail between her legs. I shot a look at Ruby, who had moved in next
door to me. Cleo used to be there, I don’t
know where she’s got to lately. But
Ruby’s there now, have to get used to her won’t I. Ruby was munching on her straw. As far as I could tell, she hadn’t taken any
notice of what had just gone on. But I
knew Ruby’s tactics. She would wait
until everyone was asleep and then quiz the horse involved in the event. Then she had a captive audience and the
interrogated horse could not easily escape her questions. But I knew my situation was different. Not only was Ruby questioning or about to
question a horse who she had huge respect for, she was also questioning the
leader of the yard herd.
“She won’t
make it too draining,” I thought. Ruby ripped up another mouthful of straw and
turned to me munching slowly. She spoke
round the straw.
“So you rescued a mare and she brushed you
off then,” she observed.
“yeah,
pretty much Ruby,” I replied. Ruby swallowed her straw and stretched out to
the water bucket. She slurped the water
contentedly.
“can’t
you drink quietly?” Fleur
complained. Ruby flicked water at Fleur.
But she misjudged her aim and the jet soaked Carina instead. Carina squealed with indignation and lashed
out with her hind feet in a reflex action.
Her boot caught Annie who lived in the box behind hers. Poor Annie cried out with pain and retired to
the back of her box. Carina didn’t seem
to notice she’d just done Annie damage.
She tore open the bolt on her door and flew at Ruby! Carina bit and kicked the unfortunate mare
until Ruby pleaded for mercy. I couldn’t
react fast enough to stop this attack.
Poor Ruby had sustained a torn ear, numerous bite marks on her face and
her nose was bleeding. I walked out of
my box and floored Carina! When she was
lying on the concrete with all the wind knocked out of her, I turned my
attention to Ruby’s wounds. I hooked the
tea-towel off the wall and dipped it in my water bucket. Then I gently wiped away the blood from
Ruby’s nose and ear. She let me perform
my ministrations without complaint. When
I had finished Ruby looked a lot better. She smiled at me.
“I’d
better stay here permanently if that’s how you treat injured horses Beyancca,”
she said. Carina had regained her feet
by now and was engaging herself in thumping Ruby’s door with her hind
feet. Her boots thudded into the wood
and did little damage to it. Ruby kept
well away from the flying boots. I
barked a command to Carina.
“Stop
your idiotic behaviour now!” I
snapped. Carina whirled round and glared
at me. She bared her teeth and stamped her
foot in warning.
“You know
what Beyancca? You’ve got a lot to learn
my dear. You might be leader of the yard
herd in status. But you’re not! Not leader!
Real leader I mean. You haven’t got
the rest of the herd wrapped around your hoof, I have, so I’m leader,
right?” She watched for a reaction. I studied Carina carefully. She was quite a bit smaller than me, fat,
unfit, a couch potato you might say. If
she challenged me to a fight I know who’d win.
Carina watched me watching her.
Candy voiced my thoughts:
“You’re
fat Carina. You’d never beat B’ in a
fight. She’s got the upper hoof on you
and you dam well know it!” Carina turned
on candy! She advanced on the now
terrified mare!
“For one,
I ain’t fat! For two, I’m leader of the
yard herd and always will be! And for three, you’re a stupid insignificant
bitch!” Carina snarled. Overcome by fear, Candy opened her mouth and
started squealing. Josh had been woken
by Annie’s cry of pain and now voiced his thoughts.
“’ere
Carina, just shut it and let me get some sleep,” he drawled. Carina spat:
“What
did that insignificant scrap say? Did
he, no, it, speak to me?” Hearing the
loathsome cow refer to Josh as “it” annoyed me intensely. I set about giving Carina a hiding. When I’d finished she was flat on the
concrete and I had an audience which consisted of many horses and the majority
of the human inhabitants of the yard.
Carina snapped her teeth and flailed about with her limbs. Her now bootless hooves scraped and beat
against the wooden box door. Josh looked
down at the fallen horse in disgust.
“you
ain’t worth anything Carina!” He said
acidly. Carina lashed out furiously
squealing as she did so:
“Bastard!” her hoof smashed into
Josh’s head. The poor foal was lifted
off his feet by the impact! He hit the
wall and slid down it, finishing up sprawled on the concrete. My attention was diverted towards my injured
foal.
Josh lay inert on the straw. I prodded him gently with my muzzle and there
was no response. I laid my head on his
shoulder and wept. I was convinced he
was dead. But then he groaned pitifully.
“Mum, is
that you mum?” he asked. My relief at hearing his voice was indescribable.
“Yes Josh
darling, I’m here,” I replied. Josh seemed to relax a little. His head was resting against the wall, while
his legs were, well, crumpled under his body is the only way I can describe
their position. They weren’t tucked beneath
him in an ordered fashion. More
collapsed with his body resting on top.
Anyway, he looked a proper mess. I lay down beside him to shield him
from any more of Carina’s planned attacks.
Carina squealed and whinnied her protestations that:
“Beyancca’s
not leader! She’s not! I’m leader!
I’ve always been leader, and, you lot know it!” She beat the wall with her forefeet and
flailed about with her hind. Out of the
corner of my eye I saw Jinja passing the barn on his way to the indoor riding
school. He noticed Carina’s antics,
walked up calmly and stamped hard on her right hind foot! Carina screamed in agony and lashed out with
both hind feet! Her flying kick caught
Jinja on his nose, making him recoil in shock and fear. Squealing with rage, Carina whirled round and
chased Jinja away down the yard. I heard
his boots thudding on the concrete as he ran for his life. Carina was running just two feet behind him,
her teeth only inches from his tail. As
Jinja approached a rise he slowed down.
Carina had been waiting for this and quickened her pace.
Carina trampled on Jinja! She ran him down! The poor pony was taken down and driven under
Carina’s hooves like a blade of tall grass.
Jinja screamed as he fell! Carina
flattened poor Jinja into the track.
Hearing Jinja’s scream I told Josh I’d be back in a
minute and raced from my box! I charged
along the track and caught up with Carina as she was finishing her task. I’m not usually violent, you know that. But all of a sudden I had a cold hatred for
that bloody creature! I pulled her off
Jinja and threw her down on the track. I
stood over Carina and placed my right forefoot on her nose. This made Carina squeal for mercy. But Christmas or no Christmas, Carina had
nearly killed Jinja and she was going to pay for her crimes. I stood over Carina and made her squeal with
fear by waving my right forefoot at her.
“I can
see Josh was right! You’re worth bloody
nothing Carina!” I yelled. Carina laid back her ears and snapped
viciously at me.
“Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!”
She screeched. I laid my boot carefully
on Carina’s nose and she stopped insulting me.
“I know
Jinja stamped on your foot Carina, but that’s not any excuse for what you did
to him! None at all!” I snarled.
Carina snapped her teeth and tried to kick me. I just put a little pressure on her nose,
that stopped her right enough. Carina
gave vent to a wail of pure terror.
Jinja had regained his feet and was now weaving about
all over the place. He came eventually
to rest his head on my shoulder.
“I’ve
got a bloody headache,” he complained. I
couldn’t hug him as I would have liked because I still held Carina hostage
under my right forefoot. I released her
reluctantly and she scampered away down the track squealing unprintable things
about me at the top of her voice. I
ignored her and turned to Jinja.
Jinja was almost crying.
“I feel
awful B’!” he moaned. I felt him trembling violently beside
me. Jinja panted desperately and then
passed out. His sudden weight on my
shoulder caused me to stagger and nearly drop him. But I managed to keep Jinja from flopping
onto the track. He came round after a
few seconds and levered himself off me.
Jinja stared at me for a long minute.
I suddenly had an uncontrollable urge to hug him. I don’t know what triggered it. I embraced him tightly, pressing him to me
until he realised what was happening.
“Beyancca! Hey! Come on dear, this isn’t right!” I came out of my trance and stared at him. Jinja’s expression was a mixture of shocked
disbelief and pleasure, the pleasure was just about winning.
“It’s not
right? Why not?” I asked.
Jinja shook himself tentatively and obviously wished he hadn’t bothered.
“It, it’s
not right because, because of the way you did it. That embrace was not just one of
concern. It was full of passion!” Then his voice took on a hardened edge.
“You
aren’t in love with me are you Beyancca?”
I was shocked!
“No, no
Jinja, I, I’m not. Whatever made you
think that?” I enquired. But Jinja became angry!
“Look
Beyancca! You’re a wonderful mare,
yes. But I’m not gonna go out with
you! I’m unavailable! That’s what you want isn’t it? You want it, come on! Admit it Beyancca! Go on, let’s have it out of you, now!” I was upset by his tone, in fact I was close
to tears.
“No
Jinj’. That wasn’t what I meant, not at
all. I, I just, just wanted to show you
some,,,” I broke down. How could I tell him how I felt about his situation? I could see his need for a mare’s
company. But how could I deal with
this? Jinja ultimately wanted Rosie, but
he couldn’t have her beside him for obvious reasons. And then there’s me, leader of the herd
n’all, and, well, I’m supposed to be able to deal with all things like that,
but I can’t! I can’t give him what he
wants because I’m not Rosie! I could
stay with him, yes, that’s easy enough.
But he’d feel awkward about that.
He obviously wanted equine company but couldn’t admit the fact. Jinja would much rather bottle it all up
inside him until it was too dam late, and then nobody would be able to help
him! I decided to come out with it
straight.
“Are you lonely Jinja?
Do you want me to stay with you?”
I asked. Jinja’s face told me he did. Jinja turned tail and walked away slowly, his
nose just inches from the track. I could
see he was crying. I sidled up to him
and pressed my nose against his. Jinja’s
nose was wet with tears and he made no resistance when I rubbed it.
“I want
Rosie,” he sobbed.
“Good job
it wasn’t Confiada he broke down in front of.
She’d tell him to, “stop crying you big foal! She’s not coming back and never will! So shut up!”
but I’m not Confiada.” You see,
Jinja was prone to breaking down in front of any horse. He couldn’t control his emotions and came in
for a lot of criticism for that. But I
knew a little of how he felt for I missed Rosie almost as much as he did, for
different reasons of course.
“I know
you’re missing her Jinja. But you must
try and rise above this and think of her as she was. Look, I’ll do all I can to help you out. But you must try and put this into
perspective. Rosie tried to acclimatise
you to life without her, but she can only do so much! You have to do the rest Jinja! Please Jinja, honour her memory by all means,
but don’t chase a dream you can never have.
What you want doesn’t happen, if it did we’d have a yard full of equine
spirits! What happened four days after
Rosie’s death was strange, but it’s not going to happen again Jinj’. Rosie tried to do her best to help you, but
you have to help yourself now. I know
this might sound harsh. But there’s one
thing you must understand Jinja. That is
the fact that I’m not Rosie and never could be.
You want me to be like her, you admitted it. But I’m not like her! Please don’t ever think of me as her because
I’m not! If you do persist in this, and
I’ll be quite blunt about it Jinja, you’ll end up losing a friend.” Jinja pulled away suddenly! His eyes were maddened!
“how
the hell can you say that! What’s all
this shit about perspective! How can you
talk about coming to terms with Rosie’s death?
You never saw what happened did you!
You never went through the torment of seeing someone you love die in
front of you did you! You never felt the
anger at the vets when they said they could do nothing! And you could never know the feeling of
helplessness and futility I felt when all I could do was stand there and watch
it happen!” I shot a quick look at
Jinja’s hooves, they were unshod, sharp and dangerous! Suddenly Jinja screamed with anger and lashed
out! His unshod hoof crashed into my
stomach! I screamed in agony and
collapsed, hitting my head on the ground as I fell.
I woke to find Jinja nuzzling me furiously!
“Piss
off! I don’t want you!” I thought.
I shoved him off and thought about his outburst.
“Had I
really offended him? Or was it just the
heat of the moment that made him act like he had?” I asked myself. Jinja was now crying into my fur. Watching the poor lonely pony lying on the
ground, sobbing his heart out with his head resting on my neck, I couldn’t help
feeling sorry for him.
“I’m
sorry B’! I never meant to hurt
you! He sobbed. I shifted slightly and took a deep
breath. The pain made me squeal
shrilly! Sweat began to trickle down my
face and into my eyes. The pain was
hellish!
“I know
how Rosie felt now!” I thought
fleetingly. Jinja, seeing the pain I was
in, charged off to get help. I seemed to
stay like that for a long time. But when
help did arrive I quickly knew nothing more.
I woke in the vet’s place. When I attempted to move I found I couldn’t.
“What
the bloody hell’s going on here!” I
bellowed.
“Shut
it!” Another horse shouted back. I knew the reply had come from a male.
“Moody
bastard!” I thought angrily. There was a crash and the sound of horse’s
hooves on concrete and then he came into view.
A massive shire Stallion stood in front of me. He had a large scar on his right side and he
was still groggy from the anaesthetic.
“Colic,” I thought. The stallion’s eyes were maddened!
“now
you listen to me. I don’t want none of
your squealing! You’ve kept me awake
enough!”
“Have I
been squealing? Don’t think I
have,” I thought. Then a pearcing shriek came from a box off to
my right. The stallion whirled round and
pounded off towards the sound.
“Got rid
of him,” I thought numbly. I tried to move my legs and found they would
obey my commands. I got up and went in
search of the squealing horse.
I found a mare giving birth to a foal. The foal was half out and the mare was too
absorbed in her agony to notice me standing there. The stallion was flat out on the concrete. Like all males he’d fainted as soon as he’d
clapped eyes on the straining mare. I
tried to comfort the distressed mare.
But I knew that all I could do was wait for nature to take it’s course. Eventually after, oh, um, three minutes, no
more, the foal was born. The mare’s
tortured expression left her and she looked exhausted.
“You all
right?” I asked softly. The mare’s gaze sharpened on my face.
“Wha!” She squealed, “I never gave birth to you did
I?” I laughed:
“No, of
course not,” I watched the foal totter
round to it’s mother’s head and collapse beside her. It began nuzzling it’s mother’s cheek.
“Come on
mum, I’m hungry,” It whinnied. The mare stared at the foal in horror!
“what’s
that!” she whinnied. The foal replied:
“I think
I’m your foal, and I’m hungry. After
forcing me out of my warm haven the least you can do is get me something to
eat! I’m starving! There’s another thing, you made a terrible
racket earlier, and there’s me trying to sleep!
And then you have the nerve to shove me out here!” the mare stared open mouthed at her offspring
for a few seconds. Meanwhile I was
rolling on the concrete laughing helplessly.
“I’ve never
heard anything so funny in all my life!”
I whooped. The foal stared at me.
“That
horse’s laughing at you mum,” It
observed. The mare struggled to her feet
and attacked me!
“Keep
away from my foal! Get away! Go!” I
fought back and beat her.
“Bitch!” I volunteered. The foal had something to say to it’s mother.
“You know
what mum? That was the stupidest thing
I’ve seen in my whole life,” I collapsed
with laughter once more. The Mare nipped
her foal making it squeal!
“Ow!”
“That’s for
backchatting me!” She snapped. Despite her incorrect use of language I still
hated the bloody creature. What she’d
done was stupid, the foal was right. The
stallion got up after a while and fled back to his box greatly embarrassed by
his display of masculine weakness. I
watched him go and then turned my attention to the tiny foal. He, for the foal was male, stared back in
wonder.
“What’re
you here for?” He asked.
“I got
attacked by another horse, got kicked in the stomach,” I replied.
“Bet you
didn’t make as much noise about it as my mum did.” The foal said. His mother rounded on him savagely!
“Shut
your mouth! You haven’t given birth
before, you wouldn’t know!” She
yelled. The foal sighed:
“There
she goes again,” he said under his breath.
His mother kicked him hard! The
poor chap screamed in agony and lashed out at his mother in self defence!
“I’m not
gonna end up fostering him as well as Josh am I?” I asked myself. I hoped not, but the way things were turning
out between the foal and his mother, well, anything was possible. The mare suddenly ran at me! I fled out of the yard, along the main road,
across a busy junction, where I nearly caused an accident, and finally into a
field. Wheeling round as I reached the
other side I saw no mare behind me.
“Phew! Outran her. What a test for my body,” I thought.
I noticed another horse standing eating grass a few paces from me. She was grey, had the build that suggested
Irish Draft, and seemed totally unfazed by the sudden arrival of another mare
in her field. Shaking myself hard I
approached her.
“Um, sorry
to bother you, can you tell me where I’ve ended up please?” I asked pleasantly. The affect my question had on the mare was
startling. She leapt five feet in the
air, and I’m not joking, whirled round and pounded off down the field,
squealing at the top of her voice. I
watched her go, perplexed and a little hurt by her apparent fear of me. I walked slowly up to the mare, making sure I
made a lot of noise about it. She
watched me coming with frightened eyes.
“I’m not
gonna hurt you,” I said softly. The mare’s expression didn’t change. The poor mare chewed her tongue for a few
seconds and then asked hesitantly:
“Are
you, are you real?” This plunged me into
total confusion.
“hang on a
bit B’. This horse is asking you if
you’re real? Is she mad? Or is she just a little stupid?” I thought.
I replied:
“yeah I’m
real, look, feel,” I stretched my nose
out towards her and let her touch it.
The mare rubbed my muzzle hard with hers. Then her fear left her and she relaxed
visibly.
“It’s just
that another horse who looked rather like you died a few weeks back. I thought you were her ghost, you hear of
these things you know.” The mare
said. I thought about Rosie and the way
she’d returned. Then that led to
thinking about Jinja, and then to thinking about his outburst which had landed
me in the vet’s place, caused me to be present at the birth of a foal, and
finally to meet up with this strange mare.
I took a deep breath and tried asking my question again. This time I got:
“On the
A12 just outside Whickham market.” As a
response. That told me a lot didn’t it.
“North or
south bound?” I asked. The mare looked mystified.
“What do
you mean?” She asked. I gave up in exasperation. The Mare walked up to me and snuffled round
me in a most invasive fashion. I beat
her off roughly!
“Get out
of my space! And stop nuzzling me!” I snapped.
The mare fled to the other end of the field and I fled from the field
altogether. I pounded along the road,
turned left along a lane, then right, then round a bend and into the yard. The Manageress leapt from the horsebox in
sudden confused panic!
”Beyancca! What the hell’re you
doing back here? I was coming to get
you, I don’t understand what,,,” I
stopped her.
“Let me
explain, but first is Josh all right?” I
asked. The Manageress assured me that he
was.
“Carina
clobbered him didn’t she?” The human
asked.
“Yeah she did, now let me explain what
happened,” I replied. I told the Manageress everything that had
taken place. She laughed when I told her
about the stallion’s reaction to the sight of a mare giving birth.
“Typical
man,” she observed. I looked up at the
sound of horse’s hooves and saw Jinja walking towards me.
“Hi B’,”
he said flatly. I thought:
“He’s
still upset about what he did to me I’ll bet.”
Jinja stared at me for a long time.
He was plainly trying to summon up the courage to ask me what happened
at the vet’s.
“He’ll
come round in his own good time,” I
thought. The Manageress stroked my neck
as we stood waiting for Jinja to make his move.
I rested my head on the Manageress’s shoulder. This was where I wanted to be more than
anywhere else. In a yard, with humans
and horses I knew, and best of all, being stroked by a human that I could trust
with my life. Jinja shook himself and
attempted to say something, but no words came out. His eyes screamed at me.
“I’m confused!” They shouted.
I explored the sensations I was getting from my body and decided that
the visit to the vet’s wasn’t without event.
I decided to forgive Jinja’s little outburst and get on with life. I stretched out my nose to him and brushed
against his gently. Jinja’s eyes lit up
as he felt my touch.
“I’m not
Rosie,” I cautioned.
“I know
Beyancca, I know that dear.” Jinja said
softly. I felt a lump in my throat as I
looked at him.
I thought:
“Jinja’s
right you know Beyancca. You don’t know
what it’s like to lose a loved one,” I
gulped hard. Jinja noticed this but made
no comment. The Manageress left us to
ourselves. To take my mind off events
for a few seconds I watched her disappear into her house. But all too soon the door was closed and my
gaze switched back to Jinja.
I seemed to be hit afresh by his distress.
“It’s hard
Jinja, but you must try and move on,” I
said gently. This was the straw that
broke Jinja. He ran to me, rested his
head on my shoulder and burst into tears.
All I could do was support him literally, try and comfort him as best I
could, stroke his ears with my muzzle and just be a friend to him. For so many horses in the yard hated and
feared him. Ever since Rosie passed away
none of the horses had wanted to know Jinja.
All right, perhaps he had mistrusted them for years. But there must have been some reason for
that. As he has already said, Rosie
turned his life around. But now she’s no
longer with us, he felt that his life was going back to the bad old days before
Rosie came into his life. After a while
Jinja stopped crying.
“Thanks
B’, thanks very much,” he said softly.
“Any
time Jinja. If you need me, you know
where I am. Come any time, I won’t
mind,” I replied gently. This almost set Jinja off again but he just
about managed to control his emotions.
Jinja turned tail and walked away.
I watched him go, wondering what he was really going through.
“Was he
waking in the mornings expecting Rosie to be there beside him? Or was he set off by little things he saw
about the yard, little reminders of her?”
I didn’t know and still don’t.
But there was something I did know and that was the fact that it was
down to me to do something about the Christmas Celebrations, if you could call
them that after the events described in the last few pages.
I clomped back to my box feeling drained and
inadequate.
“I don’t
know if I’m cut out for this leader thing,”
I thought. A friendly nudge from
Valencia brought me out of my musings.
“You look
preoccupied Beyancca,” she observed.
“Yeah
pretty much Valencia,” I replied. I could have told her more, but Jinja’s inner
most feelings were confidential. I
didn’t want any horse to know of his problems.
If he wanted to tell them, which I doubted he would, but if he did, well
then it was for him and not me to do so.
Valencia snatched a mouthful of straw from her net and crunched it
slowly. She was obviously waiting for
more info, but I wasn’t gonna give her any.
In the end she stopped gazing at me piercingly and returned to
normal. I shook myself and tried to put
the whole thing out of my mind.
Rearranging my ears so it looked like I was happy, I don’t think so, I
walked up the steps and into my box. I
tore the bookings list off the wall, placed it under my boot and ripped it to
shreds. Thinking:
“I’m only
a horse, they’ll put up a new one,” I
ripped it into tiny bits and mixed it with the straw bed. When I’d finished that job I lay down and thought
of Christmas. To be quite blunt about it
I wasn’t in much of a mood to even contemplate Christmas. All the festive cheer had gone from my life
these last few days and it showed no willingness to return. I thought back to last year when everything
seemed to be so dam good, it couldn’t get any better! But now, with all the events of the last year
n’all. But I can’t think like that. Rosie and Clover would never forgive me, come
to think of it now, neither would Domino and Mac. I wondered how they were getting on. I asked
myself:
“How are
they spending their festive season, Domino and Mac I mean? And then there’s Rosie and Clover. Do they have anything like Christmas where
they are?” I puzzled over this for a
while but then was brought out of my reverie by a horrendous crash!
Squealing with terror I leapt to my feet and
bolted! My feet drummed on the concrete
as I fled! I tore up the track, along
the main road, onto the hacking trail and half way along that to a field where
I felt safe enough to stop. I flopped
down on the grass. It crackled under my
weight as I lay down. The ground was
hard as flint! I laid my cheek on the
cold wet grass. I must have lain there
for an hour or two, and all through that time I didn’t notice the cold. The weather had turned icy now and the air
temperature was near freezing! I lay on
the grass letting my thoughts take me where they wanted.
“Rosie,
clover, Jinja, Josh, the Manageress, Chantilly, Balugue, Brydy, Jamie,
Dominic.” All the names and personalities
of the horses and humans, both past and present in the yard ran round and round
my mind. I felt a strange calm come over
me, as if I were being taken away from my troubles. I floated far, far away from that field. Far from the turbulence of Jinja’s mind, far
from the every day work of the yard. I
felt a strange elation at being free of myself.
I drifted, drifted, drifted,,,,
“Mum!
Mum!” I thought:
“What? Who’s that? Just go away and leave me!” The voice came again:
“Mum! Please don’t ignore me! It’s Josh your foal! Don’t you remember me?” I recognised that name, that voice also,
where did I remember it from?
“Josh? Josh? Who’s Josh?”
I pondered this for a few minutes but gave up. But here was emotion attached to that
name. I was feeling it now. This emotion made me sad to be leaving Josh,
whoever Josh was. I wished I could take
him with me.
` “I’m sorry Josh, but I just can’t take
you,” I mumbled. I slipped further and further `away into my safety
zone.
I was woken by a squeal of fear and terrible pain!
“Who
the hell’s making that racket? Shut
up!” I whinnied angrily. A human said:
“She’s
coming round.”
“What’s
going on?” I asked myself. I forgot that quickly and relaxed
totally. I drifted on the edge of
sleep. I felt a human hand stroking my
ears gently, ever so, ever so gently.
“wow! That feels good!” I thought.
I concentrated on the sensations my ears were feeding to my brain. Wonderful they were, simply wonderful. I didn’t want to come out of that state,
ever! But I knew I had to, and sure
enough I did.
Looking round me I saw a very distressed foal, who,
now my faculties had returned, I recognised as Josh. To my right stood the Manageress, it had been
she who had been gently stroking my
ears. Lastly, much to the vet’s
annoyance I found out later, Jinja stood in the corner of the room looking at
me with wild anxiety.
My mouth was dry and I had to drink a lot of water
before I could even attempt to make conversation.
“What
the, what the, where,,, what the hell happened?” I gabbled.
Josh replied:
“the vet
said you were ‘yper ‘yper,,,” Jinja
chipped in:
“Don’t
try it Josh. Yes B’, the vet said you
were hypothermic. Heaven knows what you
were doing out there!”
“out
where? I don’t understand,” I replied thickly. The Manageress put me out of my pain.
“You
were found out in the top field almost frozen!
I don’t know what you were doing there.
I quizzed all the other horses and found that Valencia had seen you go
out around seven thirty. You were in a
hurry,” I rested my head back on the
rubber matting on the floor. Josh asked:
“Mum’s not
gonna die is she Jinj’?” Jinja replied
that he didn’t think so, and that Josh should leave me alone to recover. I heard the thudding of small boots as Josh
came across to me.
“Can you
‘ear me mum?” he asked softly. I twitched my ears a little, even that was an
effort.
“I just
wan’a die!” I thought wearily. I must have spoken that thought, although I
can’t remember doing so, for Josh whinnied at me:
“Don’t
die mum! Don’t die!” The fear in that sound made me decide not to
die, didn’t want to anyway, messy business death. I fought the feeling of leaden limbs and the
pounding pile-driver in my head, closed my eyes, and managed to struggle after
much swearing to my feet. I stood with
all four legs spread to take my weight.
I feared that if I stood normally I would fall over and that would be
the end. I learned later that I was
panting and gasping for air throughout the whole episode. I finally summoned the courage to open my
eyes. When I did the room turned
upside-down and I ended up crashing to the floor once more. Josh squealed as I fell:
“Mum!”
I hit the floor hard! The
Manageress said something unprintable. I
must admit I agreed with her. I tried to
get to my feet and failed miserably.
Flopping back on the rubber matting I contemplated my actions.
“What
drove me to lie in the teeth of a north east wind for two hours? Beyancca, that’s mad!” I thought.
I wanted to get warm, very, very warm.
I wondered if Rosie would let me use her large thick rug. But then I remembered the time when I’d gone
to the rug room and picked it up. Rosie
had seen me doing this and had commented.
“She
hadn’t minded then, so why should she now?”
I asked myself. I made another
desperate attempt to stand. Finding it a
lot easier this time I eventually stood without assistance. My fight for air had reverted to normal
breathing. The Manageress said:
“She
looks better already.” The vet sounded a
cautionary note, pessimist!
“She’s not
out of the woods yet,” I thought
angrily:
“Who’s
she? The cat’s mother?” I voiced my thoughts:
“Oi! Vet type person! You listen to me! “She”
Has a name, my name’s Beyancca and you dam well know it!” I felt better after that. This sent the Manageress into gales of
laughter. Once she’d recovered she came
up close and stroked my ears once more.
I leant on her shoulder enjoying the sensation. The vet watched me intently.
“Can we
go ‘ome now mum?” Josh asked. I murmured a reply, but I can’t remember what
I said now. The vet seemed to come to a
decision.
“I’ll let her go. But make sure she can’t get out of her
box.” The Manageress said she
would. But she knew that if she chained
my door so I was indeed unable to escape, I would go insane.
I won’t bore you with the mundane details of the
journey back to the yard. I felt the
horsebox jerk to a halt and the door was lowered. I gasped as I stepped from
the warmth of the horsebox to the cold outdoors. My breath steamed in the frost laden
air. The ground was hard and compacted.
“Heavy on
the feet,” I thought. A rug was tossed in my general
direction. It was the large one that
Rosie used to favour. It landed across
my back and the Manageress pulled it around my shoulders and made sure some was
covering my neck before she led me back to my box. I slipped a few times on the journey back,
but got there safe enough. A deep bed of
straw was in evidence on the floor and I could also see someone else in the
straw. Josh had buried himself in the
straw so only his nose was visible.
Because of this I had to be very careful when I walked in. I didn’t want to tread on him. I lay down and rested my head on his
shoulder. I wanted to be able to feel
his presence, for I felt extremely vulnerable then. Josh shifted a little. He opened his eyes and noticed me.
“’ello
mum,” he yawned.
“you all
right Josh darling?” I asked. He stretched and replied:
“Yeah,
fine thanks,” I pressed my muzzle into
his fur. Josh laughed:
“Mum! That tickles!” He whinnied.
I shifted slightly, closed my eyes and was soon asleep. Josh watched me sleeping.
“I ‘ave
no idea what you’re going through mum, none at all. But I love you, you know that don’t
you?” He whispered. He rested his head on his forelegs and fell
asleep also.
We woke around six thirty the next morning. Josh stretched and yawned:
“Time to
get up. Can’t sleep any more,” he
said. He whispered into my ear:
“Mum? You awake yet?” Groaning sleepily I shifted slightly at the
sound of his voice.
“Mmmm,
yeah Josh, I’m just about here,” I
replied drowsily. Josh nuzzled my
ear. It felt bloody good! That was just what I needed after recent
events. I stretched out my nose towards
him and Josh laughed:
“You’re
a soppy thing mum, you know that?” I
love Josh, I love him more than I can tell you!
I know I was hesitant about taking him on, but I’m not now. I wouldn’t give Josh up for anything! He needs me, and, well, I’ve found that I
need him. I sighed contentedly. Josh leapt to his feet and opened the box
door. His boots thumped on the concrete
of the barn and then I heard him yell:
“It’s
snowing mum!” At the top of his
voice. Fleur was less than impressed by
his enthusiasm.
“Shut
up! You’re a pain in the bum Josh! What’s so good about a bit of snow? Just go back to sleep,” she whinnied
angrily. Jingle, who had recently moved
into the box next to Fleur’s, overheard her remarks and made comment.
“Leave
the little chap alone Fleur. he’s only
young isn’t he. Weren’t you ever excited
by snow when you were a foal?” Fleur
buried her head in the straw and tried to sleep. Meanwhile Josh was running about the yard,
slipping, skidding and rolling in the snow.
He was having the time of his life and I wasn’t gonna stop him.
Suddenly I had an uncontrollable urge to join
him! I fled from my box and bolted up
the track with my foal in hot pursuit.
We charged into Jinja’s field where he and silver were grazing
peacefully. Silver nearly fell over when
she saw us.
“’ey! What? What the ‘ell’re you doing ‘ere at this
hour?” she whinnied. For answer Josh knocked Silver off her feet.
“It’s
snowing!” he whooped. Silver and Josh rolled on the snow laden
grass playing silly foalish games. Jinja
and I watched them.
“You all right Beyancca?” Jinja asked.
“Mmm,
yeah, think so Jinj’,” I replied. Jinja watched the two youngsters rolling and
gambling on the grass.
“It wears
me out just watching them,” he remarked.
Josh came skidding in on my right and before I knew what was happening,
I was rolling on the grass! Josh had
taken out my forefeet from under me and made a dam good job of it! As I lay on my back, trying to recover, Josh
jumped on top of me! I grunted as the
air whistled out of me. I threw him off
and stood up.
“Thanks
josh darling,” I said breathlessly.
“I didn’t
‘urt you did I?” He asked anxiously.
“No, no
Josh. Just winded me that’s all,” I panted.
I looked round me at the snow.
“White
Christmas,” I thought. My thoughts drifted back to Rosie’s reactions
when snow was about. She used to go
mad! I remember this eighteen year old
mare leaping about like a foal! That
year’s celebrations had been totally
spontaneous, but this year’s, well, would they be? I thought not. The snow grey sky glowered down on us. I sank into deep contemplation:
“I wonder
if Rosie and Clover are watching over us?
What must they be thinking now?”
I couldn’t really know. Josh
noticed my far away expression and sidled up to me. He put his mouth close to my ear and
whispered:
“You
thinking about Rosie and Clover mum?” he
asked. I took a deep breath to steady
myself:
“yeah
Josh, that’s right,” I replied
quietly. I couldn’t believe how
observant Josh was!. He was so dam
intuitive! I couldn’t and still can’t
keep anything from him! Josh then said
something that almost reduced me to tears.
“You miss
Rosie almost as much as Jinja does, don’t you mum?” All the while I’d tried to be strong. Tried to hide my sense of loss from Josh in
the hope that it would somehow get easier and in the end wouldn’t show. But that was a stupid thing to do. Josh knew how I felt, he knew too dam much!
“Yeah
Josh, I, I miss her an awful lot dear. I
miss Clover also, but I never really knew her,”
I choked. Josh rubbed my cheek
with his muzzle, trying his best to comfort me.
“Come on
mum, they wouldn’t want you to cry would they,” he said softly.
“No, no
Josh they wouldn’t. you’re so young, but
you talk so much sense my dear. I love
you Josh darling!” I hugged him tightly
and sobbed into his fur. Josh moved
closer to me and returned my embrace.
While all this was going on, Jinja and Silver watched
us in silence. When I mentioned Rosie Jinja
fought momentarily with his emotions, but managed to keep them under
wraps. Silver didn’t know about Jinja’s
connection with Rosie, and he was in no mood to tell her about it now. Silver was too busy watching Josh to notice
Jinja’s moment of strife. She liked
josh, in fact she liked him very,
very much. Josh noticed her watching him and led her
into a corner of the field to talk.
While they were engaging in conversation Jinja sidled up to me and
rested his head on my shoulder.
“B’? Look, I, I’m really sorry
for what I did. I just flew off the
handle at you. I suppose it all got on
top of me, it being Christmas n’all. And
my pride, my stupid pride wouldn’t let me admit that I needed another horse’s
company!” Jinja’s voice cracked:
“Would, would you stay with me over Christmas
Beyancca? I know I brushed you off, I
didn’t mean to! Honest I didn’t! Now you’ll say no after what I’ve done. But, but I need you Beyancca!” He pleaded.
I looked at him.
“I’m not
Rosie Jinja. Don’t ever think of me as
her, because I’m not her. If you try to
change me in any way, I’m out! I’m sorry
Jinja, really I am, but you must accept that Rosie’s no longer with us! Sure, I’ll be a friend to you. But don’t treat me like Rosie. I’m a friend Jinja, and only a friend,” I thought:
“Beyancca! How harsh can you
get?” But I had to make it plain to him
what I felt. I asked myself:
“Is that
harshness brought on by guilt Beyancca?
Are you building a wall between you and Jinja to make you feel
better? Are you trying to distance
yourself where maybe close proximity to Jinja might be better for him and for
you? You did come on to him in a big way
once! That was wrong! But now it might be right, to a certain
extent at least.” But could I? Having seen what I have, could I still
proposition Jinja? Something inside me
rebelled at the thought.
“He must be a close friend, no
more!” I told myself. But that harsh speech haunted me. It seemed awful to tell him so bluntly! But on the other hoof, could I? I mean could I handle his love? Could I give him true love in return? I didn’t know. But there was one thing that had to happen
before any of this could. Jinja had to
move on from Rosie. If he chose not to
and stayed true to her, well so be it.
If he was still deeply in love with her, well fine, it’s his
choice. But what does he want from a
relationship? Does he want a
friend? Or a lover? I’m asking this because he won’t tell me in a
month of Sundays. I mention Rosie and he
goes all funny, he just dissolves inside
and becomes a quivering wreck. So from
that, Jinja’s still in love with Rosie and I’m only gonna be a friend to him. Phew!
Sorted that!
I feel I must apologise to the typist for that long
passage. I had to get my thoughts down
on paper.
Jinja watched my face.
He could almost read the thoughts going through my mind, I was sure of
it! He looked up into my eyes.
“you’re
right Beyancca. I, I do still love
Rosie. I know, I know I’m living in the
past B’, but can’t you understand that?
I know you’re only a friend, now I do, but I’ll be honest with you shall
I? Yes, there was a time when I thought
you and I could get together. I
selfishly thought it would be like before.
I thought of you as Rosie. But
you are not her and never could be. I
know that now Beyancca. I’m sorry
B’! I’ve caused you to go through hell
and I’ve treated you badly. But you’ve
stuck by me! You’ve been the mature
one Beyancca. You’ve made me see what I was doing to you,
and to a certain extent to Josh also. I
don’t expect you to stay with me. I know
I’m just an old nag who can’t let go.”
His admissions saddened me. I
thought:
“You know
what Jinj’? At first you hated horses,
you couldn’t stand being in the same field with one. But then Rosie came along and changed all
that. You loved and do still love her
Jinja. Once you had love you don’t want
to give it up,” I desperately wanted to
see Jinja happy again. But I knew he was
still in love with Rosie. He would think
of her, not of the mare he was um, for want of a better word, ah,
“dating,” I know horses don’t do that,
but it’s a family story and I have to keep the situations clean. Enough of that. Until Jinja could remember Rosie, but move on
from her, nothing was going to happen.
Josh came back then. I noticed
Silver had disappeared. Josh looked
scared:
“What’s up
Josh?” I asked conversationally. The poor chap was shaking visibly.
“Silver,
she, she asked, asked me to, to go out with ‘er, whatever that means.”
“Getting
himself a girl friend already,” I
thought. Josh tugged at my mane with his
teeth.
“you
listening mum?” He asked anxiously.
“yeah
Josh, go on,” I replied dreamily. The thought of Josh and Silver together was
hilarious. Josh continued:
“Well this
sounded a bit risky so I told ‘er I couldn’t do it, go out with ‘er I
mean. But when I said this Silver ran
off in a raging temper mum! I can’t
understand why she did it!”
“What? Ask you out or storm
off?” I enquired.
“Storm
off of course! I might ‘ave ‘urt ‘er
feelings by refusing ‘er. But surely she
must ‘ave taken that into consideration when she asked me? I know now she never did! So there’s me refusing Silver’s offer and she
can’t bloody take it mum! Is that ‘er
fault mum? Or is it mine for refusing
‘er?” I couldn’t help laughing at the
situation. Josh noticed my amusement and
stamped his foot in anger!
“It
ain’t bloody funny mum!” he yelled. I replied:
“It isn’t
from your point of view, I can see that.
But it is Josh. Think of it dear,
Silver and you together? Imagine
that! You’d dwarf her! When you grow up Josh you’re gonna be a
massive horse. Silver’s already fully grown,
she won’t get any taller.” This was
obviously news to Josh for he was staring at me in wonder.
“Really? I never knew that. Poor Silver.
She must feel awkward with all us large ‘orses around ‘er.” Silver came back then. She looked awful! She had been crying, that was obvious. Josh went to her and hugged her tightly. He whispered into her ear:
“Come on
Silver dear. You know I could never go
out with you, don’t you? Deep down can’t
you see it would never work? Look at me,
I’m a Shire ‘orse, I’m gonna be massive when I’m fully grown! And you’ve already reached your full ‘eight
Silver, you ‘ain’t gonna grow no more.”
Silver said:
“Is my
‘eight really that important to you?”
Josh heard the pain in her tone and felt wretched!
“You see,
we’re two vastly different breeds of ‘orse Silver. it could never work dear, never in a month of
Thursdays!”
“That’s in
a month of Sundays Josh.” Silver
corrected.
“Oh
whatever Silver.” Josh replied. Poor Silver, she wanted so much to call Josh
her own, but she could not. Silver
hugged Josh longingly. He felt her
agitation and tried to comfort her.
“Look
Silver,” he said soothingly:
“Look
dear, let’s talk this out shall we?” His
tone reduced Silver to tears.
“I
can’t, Well I can, oh Josh dear, don’t
leave me!” Silver pleaded. Josh looked towards me, he was clearly out of
his depth. His eyes were asking me a
question.
“Mum, can
you ‘elp?” I shook my head and advised
Josh to do what he felt was right.
Silver’s squeal of anguish as Josh refused her outright was
pitiful. I could see Josh was moved by
her distress, but he was adamant.
“I’m
sorry Silver dear, friends, just friends, that’s all.” Josh said gently. Silver turned tail and trudged away across
the grass. Her boots scraped along the
grass as she walked. Josh watched her
go, tears streaming down his nose.
“I ‘ated
that mum. I never wanted to ‘urt
‘er!” He sobbed. I hugged Josh tightly.
“Don’t cry
Josh, please don’t cry love. Silver’ll
forget all about it in the morning.” I
knew this would happen. Horses never
remembered anything of that sort for very long.
Betrayal, well then yes maybe, but not this. My certainty on the matter seemed to calm
Josh a little. I felt a nose brushing
mine. Turning my head a little I saw
Brydy standing beside me.
“Hi Brydy,
how’s things?” I asked. The Irish mare looked past me towards Josh.
“has
Silver been hassling him?” She asked.
“She asked
me if I wanted to go out with ‘er if that’s what you mean by ‘assling?” Josh replied.
Brydy walked round me and arrived eventually on Josh’s left. She rubbed her nose against his in a
reassuring manner. Josh’s reaction to
Brydy’s nuzzling was much the same as his reaction to my ministrations. Josh rested his head on Brydy’s shoulder and
rubbed her cheek with his muzzle. I
watched them in silence, all the while wondering if Brydy’s sudden affection
for Josh was born out of a need for a foal of her own. Brydy has a wonderful nature, you couldn’t
wish to meet a kinder mare. I am only
talking from my own experience here, but Brydy’s constant preoccupation with
the situation in her country, perhaps that was heightened by the lack of
anything else to take her attention, like a foal for example. Brydy would get in a stew about this or that
political development, and she could do nothing about it, but it still troubled
her. Josh seemed to be a welcome
distraction for Brydy. I watched the two
horses enjoying each other’s company.
Josh had often asked me about Brydy, she seemed to fascinate him. I supposed he had the same fascination with
her as I had, and do still have. Josh
gently shook himself free of Brydy’s embrace and looked at me. He came across towards me and hugged me. Josh put his mouth close to my ear and
whispered.
“Brydy’s upset, I can feel it,” I
looked at my friend. Brydy stared back
with the hardened expression that meant she was hiding something inside that
was upsetting her greatly. I motioned to
her to come closer to me. Brydy
hesitated a little but then came forward slowly, her feet almost dragging on
the grass. She rested her head on my
shoulder, Brydy was shaking violently.
“What’s
up?” I asked gently. Brydy looked over towards Jinja. He was eating grass and didn’t notice her
looking at him.
“I don’t
know how he’s gonna get through Christmas B’.
it’s gonna be bloody difficult for him.
I know you’ll do all you can to help him, but it’s gonna be hard on both
of you,” I hugged her tightly.
“I
couldn’t have put it better myself Brydy,”
I replied. Brydy straightened up
and walked off. Josh watched her go with
a hint of fear in his expression. He
came up close to me and whispered:
“She
scares me mum,” I shot him a “don’t say
anything too loud” look and dragged him off to talk some sense into him.
“Look
Josh, Brydy’s not strange, nor is she scary.
She’s had a lot of problems in the past josh. I’ve got over the shock, and you will
also. But don’t put your hoof in it
darling,” I warned.
“What have
I got to be careful of? Is there
anything I mustn’t say?” He asked.
“Don’t
talk about the I.R.A, the Irish peace process, and one more thing, no jokes
about the Irish people Josh!” I
warned. Josh smiled, I think he had an
Irish Joke he was dying to tell me.
“Oh right,
I’ll remember that,” he said. Just then
I heard a whistle from over on my left.
Whirling round I saw Chantilly standing on the other side of the
field. It was she who had been
whistling. Chantilly came galloping
across the grass and ploughed into me, making me stagger from the impact.
“hey! Hang on a bit
Chantilly!” I yelled.
“’ey B’,
Why’re you all depressed round ‘ere today?
Man! This place is so down
today! What’s got into everyone?” I shot a glance at Jinja and Chantilly seemed
to understand.
“Cor’,
yeah B’, I know now dear,” she said.
Chantilly yanked up a mouthful of grass, munched it, swallowed and then
turned to me.
“Poor
bugger. ‘e’s gonna find it ‘ell this
Christmas B’. But I don’t need to tell
you that,” she said. I sighed:
“No, no
Chantilly you don’t.” Jinja rubbed his
nose against mine making me jump!
“Cor! Bloody hell Jinja! You scared me!” I exclaimed.
Jinja looked at me, his eyes telling me more than he would have
liked. The tortured look in Jinja’s eyes
would have shocked me if I hadn’t seen it many times before. Chantilly wasn’t so experienced as me and
whinnied in shock as she caught sight of it.
“Bloody
‘ell! You look awful Jinj’!” She said.
Jinja said nothing.
Jinja stared at me with an intensity that frightened
me. His eyes were screaming out a
message, but that message was so confused I couldn’t make any sense of it.
“Jinja?
What’s wrong mate?” I asked. His expression didn’t change. I believe he had no idea there were other
horses around him.
“Jinja? Are you in there?” Chantilly asked. Tears began trickling down Jinja’s nose as we
watched, Jinja made no attempt to stop them, nor did he try to conceal them
from us. Chantilly sighed and gulped
hard. I could see she was almost as
upset as Jinja.
“You’re
missing Rosie aren’t you,” she stated.
Chantilly tried to conceal her tears from Jinja.
“It wouldn’t
do for me to be crying as well,” she thought.
Suddenly someone shouted:
“Oi! Beyancca!” It was Confiada and I ignored her. The next thing I knew I was simultaneously
kicked in the stomach and hauled round by my mane! Squealing with indignation and pain I lashed
out at Confiada and missed.
“Dam
it!” I thought. Of course I paid for my failed attack. Confiada’s hard, sharp hoof smashed into my
rib-cage making me crumple squealing onto the grass.! Chantilly watched my demise with shocked
surprise.
“What the
‘ell did you do that for!” She
demanded. Confiada spat at Chantilly.
“I won’t
‘ave b’ ignoring me,” she replied acidly.
Chantilly was incensed! She
thought:
“’ow dare
Confiada drop ‘er H’s, and ‘ow dare she call Beyancca by ‘er pet name!” She said:
“You’re a
bloody disgrace Confiada! I ‘ate you, I
bloody ‘ate you! Why do you persist in
‘assling Beyancca? If it’s the
leadership you’re after, well then you’re too late! Rosie’s already given that Job to B’, or
can’t you remember that? Or do you
choose not to remember? I think it’s the
latter, don’t you Confiada?” Confiada
glared at Chantilly:
“Mmm,
yeah now I come to think of it, I think not!
‘ave you thought about what would ‘appen if I killed B’? Tell me Chantilly, and tell me truthfully,
‘ave you thought of that?” Chantilly was
furious!
“Don’t
drop your H’s Field ‘orse! And don’t
call Beyancca by ‘er pet name! I ‘aven’t
thought of what would ‘appen because it’s not gonna bloody ‘appen!” she bellowed.
Confiada scoffed at Chantilly’s reference to her as “Field ‘orse.”
“Insults
will get you nowhere Chantilly. They’ll
just make B’s ordeal worse.”
“Don’t
call ‘er B’!” Chantilly screeched. Confiada stamped on my left forefoot making
me scream in agony. Jinja was the one
who saved me. He had watched the drama
with growing alarm and now felt it time to act.
He lashed out furiously with his forefeet!
Jinja’s attack caught Confiada on the side of her
head, knocking her unconscious. The
hated mare fell on top of me which did nothing to improve my condition. Chantilly and Jinja levered Confiada off me
and dumped her on the grass.
“She can
sort ‘erself out.” Chantilly
remarked. A voice I knew well said:
“B’! Oh B’ what has she done to you?”
“Brydy,” I thought numbly. When I didn’t answer her, Brydy went wild!
“Beyancca! Talk to me! Talk to me!”
She pleaded. I felt sorry for
her, but I didn’t have the energy to speak.
Chantilly yelled at Brydy:
“Leave
the poor thing alone Brydy. Can’t you
see she’s not feeling too good?” Brydy
showed her distress at being yelled at by whinnying pitifully.
“Shut
it!” Chantilly snapped. I thought angrily:
“You might
be stressed Chantilly, but you don’t ever talk to Brydy like that!” I laid my ears back to try and
communicate my displeasure at Chantilly’s actions. Jinja noticed my display and told Chantilly
what it meant.
“You’ve
upset Beyancca now Chantilly. She
doesn’t like people yelling at her friends you know.” Chantilly should have remembered that. I had got angry when the Farrier yelled at
her.
“I’m sorry
B’.” Chantilly said lamely. I took a deep breath, which hurt, and tried
to speak:
“Try, try
telling Brydy that,” I gasped. The pain of taking the air into my lungs
finally registered and I cried with pain.
Chantilly asked:
“Is it
serious B’?”
“how the
bloody hell should I know! I’m in a lot
of pain, so yes it is!” I squealed.
“Can you
get up?” Chantilly asked dumbly. I got furious!
“how
stupid can you get Chantilly? Of course
I can’t! if I could I would!” I thought.
The Manageress arrived then. I
knew she had because I heard some choice words being screamed into Confiada’s
ear at close range.
“Confiada’s alive then,” I
thought. Confiada screeched:
“Jinja
hit me, he hit me I tell you! Get
him! Burn him! Murder him!
Do whatever you have to to get him out of my mane!” The Manageress wasn’t very happy at
Confiada’s sentiments. Jinja was her
horse, and nobody, absolutely nobody insulted Jinja and got away with it! The Manageress was so shocked at Confiada’s
suggestion that it looked as if she was about to get away with it. But it was Jinja who came up with a suitable
punishment. He grabbed hold of
Confiada’s ear in his teeth and bit down.
He then twisted it for good measure.
Confiada’s squeal was deafening!
“Youch! Get him off me! Jinja, just, just piss off! That hurts!”
She complained.
“It isn’t meant to be pleasurable.” Chantilly said conversationally. Confiada closed her eyes and clenched her
teeth.
“This is
awful! This is horrible! No horse does this to me and gets away with
it! Jinja! You’re dead!
You’re dead when I get up! Do you
hear me Jinja? You’re bloody dead!” Jinja released Confiada when she kicked him
on the nose! He stood panting for
breath, with sweat pouring off him. The
Manageress was strangely angry at him.
“You
think that’s clever do you Jinja?” She
asked acidly. Jinja spat blood onto the
grass.
“I’d’ave
done a lot more, I’d’ave killed ‘er,” he panted. Jinja raised his right forefoot to deliver
the final blow.
“No!” The Manageress yelled.
“But
Confiada’s done so much harm to this yard!
She’s nearly killed B’ twice!
She’s nearly killed Josh on countless occasions! She nearly killed Brydy! And, and, is that a long enough catalogue
for you?” Jinja demanded. The Manageress threw herself at him. She took Jinja down with her and lay on top
of the startled horse, pinning him to the grass. Jinja whinnied as he fell.
The Manageress lay on top of her horse while Jinja
kicked and snapped at the air.
“I wan’a
get at ‘er! I wan’a kill ‘er!” he whinnied.
The Manageress snapped back:
“You’ll
do nothing of the sort Jinja, cos’ I’m not gonna let you!” Jinja began to cry with anger and
frustration.
“But,
but she’s done so much to us! She’s
nearly killed so many horses! You threw Ellen
out for that didn’t you! So why can’t
you do the same to Confiada? She
deserves it just as much as Ellen did,” he sobbed. The Manageress levered herself off Jinja and
stood up. Confiada watched her
intently. Confiada snapped at the air
and swore viciously at everyone. I
groaned and got slowly to my feet. Jinja
watched me sorrowfully.
“Don’t
worry about me Jinj’. I’ll be fine
dear,” I said hoarsely. Jinja looked sick. The Manageress dragged Confiada back to her
box. Confiada complained that:
“You
shouldn’t treat me like this! I deserve
better treatment than this!” We ignored
her. Josh watched her go, his face
registering utter contempt for the loathsome creature.
“I despise
‘er,” he said quietly. I hugged my foal
tightly.
“Christmas
Eve tomorrow Josh,” I reminded him. Josh sighed heavily.
“Yeah
mum, it is. But it ain’t gonna be much
of a Christmas for you is it,” he said flatly.
“Don’t say
that Josh darling. Please don’t say
that,” I replied. Josh rested his head on my shoulder and
closed his eyes.
“It’s cold
out ‘ere mum. Can you walk enough to get
indoors?” he asked. I tried walking and found I could.
“Let’s
go,” I coaxed. Josh needed no telling. He followed me into the barn and into my box
where a large bed of straw was in evidence. The straw bed was not the only
thing in evidence in the box. Rosie’s
now famous rug was there also! Josh, not
knowing the history of the rug, threw himself under it gratefully. I stood for a while thinking of Rosie. That rug would always remind me of her. Mainly because it was the only one that
fitted her. I threw the rug over Josh before
lying down and covering myself with what remained. The straw got warmer and warmer, I got
sleepier and sleepier.
“I could
stay like this forever,” I thought
dreamily. I felt Josh rest his nose on
my neck.
“Good night
mum,” he whispered.
“Sweet
dreams Josh love,” I mumbled. That was the last I knew for a very long
time.
When I woke the evening was coming in. Looking round me I noticed Josh had
disappeared. I yawned, stretched and
settled back onto the straw.
“This is
the life,” I thought. I closed my eyes and drifted a while. A soft muzzle brushing mine brought me out of
my reverie. A voice whispered:
“Mum? Mum are you awake?”
“Josh,” I thought dimly. I tried to gather him to me. Josh worked himself closer to me and only
stopped when our bodies were touching.
“it’s
Christmas Eve mum. You slept for at
least a hundred hours!” I smiled at his
foalish exaggeration of the truth. I
heard the door open and another horse enter.
“it’s only
Jinja mum.” Josh said. Jinja settled down beside me in the
straw. He rested his head on my shoulder
and closed his eyes. I felt the warmth
of his breath against my ear as I lay there.
Close proximity to Jinja felt very good indeed! I relaxed and let my mind empty of all my
fears and anxieties about Jinja’s state.
Jinja whispered:
“Rosie, I
love you so much Rosie dear,” I ignored
him, thinking he was reliving his times with her. Even so, Josh overheard his words and told
him rather too sharply that:
“Mum’s
not Rosie, and you know it Jinja!” Jinja
nearly flew at him! I saw the pain in
Jinja’s eyes as he stared into the darkness, unable to say or do anything in
case his anger boiled over into full blooded assault! Poor Jinja was almost sobbing. He said:
“Can’t I
grieve for my mate in peace? Why does
everyone insist on reminding me that Beyancca isn’t Rosie twenty four hours a
day? I know that now, I ain’t stupid
Josh! Just, just let me deal with it in
my own way will you!” He yelled. Conscious he’d put his hoof in it, Josh slunk
away. Jinja broke down then. He lay down, rested his head on my shoulder
and burst into tears.
“Hey
Jinj’, don’t cry dear, please don’t cry,”
I said gently. Jinja sniffed, he
said:
“It’s
quite natural to grieve for a loved one isn’t it? If it is, then why can’t I be left to
it? I wan’a grieve for Rosie, but, but
the bugger won’t let me!” By “the
bugger” I knew Jinja was referring to
Josh. I didn’t like that!
“Jinja! All right mate, Josh
might have put his hoof in it, yeah I can see how his comment might have upset
you. But if you refer to my foal in
those terms ever again I’ll bust every bone in your body! You hear me Jinja!” I snapped.
“yeah,
yeah B’, all right. But he’s got’a learn
he can’t say things like that!” Jinja
wailed. The fire died then. Jinja became a sad lonely horse who wanted
his mate once more. He flopped onto the
straw, exhausted by his outburst. I
hugged Jinja until he fell asleep. I
thought about what Josh had said.
“He might
be anxious about me. Perhaps he feels
that Jinja’s confusion might hurt me?
That’s it, probably,” I thought
disjointedly. Josh slunk back
fearfully. He lay down as far from me as
he could.
“I put my
‘oof in it didn’t I,” he said quietly.
“yeah
Josh, you did that. But you mustn’t
worry about me love,” I replied.
“But I do
mum, I do worry!” He whinnied. I moved towards him and hugged him tightly.
“Josh
darling, listen to me love. You have to
stop worrying about me so often. I know
you’ve been hurt time and time again.
But I’m not gonna leave you love, never, ever will I leave you
dear!” I said gently. Josh gulped and worked closer to me.
“I love
you mum,” he choked.
“I love you
too Josh, don’t ever forget that,” I
said. Josh looked over towards
Jinja. He said:
“’e’s ‘ad
an ‘ard time of it ‘’asn’t ‘e mum,” I
replied:
“You could
say that.
The day was coming in now. Christmas day was gonna be a freezer. I could tell that even now as the sun came
up, watery and cold over the yard. The
wind slammed into the yard, whistling and screaming round the buildings and
finding its way into my box! I cried out
loud and tried to bury myself under the rug.
Jinja woke then.
“Merry
Christmas,” I volunteered. Jinja just grunted in reply. I moveed across to him and lay down. Jinja watched me coming.
“yeah and
wha’du’want?” He asked flatly. Jinja was clearly in no mood for conversation
so I forced him to talk. He had to get
out of the dumps sometime! I know people
have to do it in their own time. But
Jinja didn’t seem to be making an effort to progress. I started:
“Rosie
loved Christmas didn’t she Jinj’.” Jinja
flinched at the mention of his mate.
“Yeah, she
did.” Was all he said in reply.
“Rosie’s
reaction to snow was extreme, Cor’ Jinj’ you remember that? She used to go mad, leaping about all over
the place! That was a sight I can tell
you!” Jinja actually smiled then. The memory I’d stirred in him actually
pleased him rather than depressed him. I
playfully nuzzled Jinja’s cheek. This
brought tears to his eyes.
“B’,
Beyancca,” he choked. Then Jinja buried
his head in my shoulder and wept. Jinja
sobbed for a very long time, but then, all of a sudden, he jumped to his feet,
dried his eyes and looked down at me lying on the straw, stunned at the change
in him.
“Wha’? Jinja? What’s come over you?” I gabbled.
Jinja sighed heavily.
“I’ve
come to the conclusion Beyancca, that it’s not worth me moping about the place
spoiling Christmas for everyone else.
I’m gonna try and enjoy it, if not for myself, I’ll do it for Rosie,” he
laughed slightly:
“She’d
shoot me for not having a good time at Christmas,” he said. I got up, shook myself hard and booted my
door open. Remembering Jingle was
stabled only four doors away I yelled:
“It’s
Christmas!” At the top of my voice. Jingle’s reaction was instant!
“Beyancca! You know I hate
Slade! Don’t you remember when Rosie did
that? I complained at her also, and
you’re no different!” I turned away as
an involuntary smile touched my lips. I
walked towards the main yard, down the steps, turned right and was stopped by
Chantilly.
“’appy
Christmas B’,” she said.
“Same to
you Chantilly,” I replied. She wiffled her nose at the weather.
“’ere,
it’s bloody cold.” “it is that,” I
replied. Ellie came past then. She was rugged up and was still shivering.
“Cold
Ellie?” I asked. She replied through clenched teeth:
“Don’t
be so bloody sarcastic! What Ellie said
then shocked me to the core!
“It’s Confiada, she came into my street
distraught like. At first I thought she
was playing about, worse even, but then, there was something in her manner that
made me stop and think. I don’t mean
this disrespectfully B’, but it’s you she has the problem with, not me. So when she came to me, almost crying she was
B’, I had to listen to her.”
“persistent was she?” I asked
sharply. The thought of Confiada
harassing Ellie was not a pleasant one.
Hearing the sharpness in my tone, Ellie stamped her foot in rage!
“I’m
serious Beyancca! Confiada’s got reasons
for her behaviour! Part of it
anyway! She was mistreated before she
came to the yard, humans used to stroke her and then thump her. That’s why she snaps at them, because she
believes they’re gonna hit her!” Ellie
was nearly crying.
“I wonder
how long it took Confiada to dream up that one?” I asked noone in particular. Ellie screamed!
“It’s not
a story! It’s true, every word of it is
true! She’s in a hell of a state over it
Beyancca! I wouldn’t lie to you would
I?”
“No Ellie,
I hope not,” I replied. Ellie beckoned to me.
“Come,
come and take a look for yourself B’,” she coaxed.
“I ain’t
forgiving her for anything Ellie,” I
said.
“I don’t expect
you too. I want you to listen to her
story that’s all.” Ellie replied.
Ellie led me
back to her street and along that to her box.
The shock of seeing Confiada standing dispiritedly in Ellie’s box was
almost too much for me! When Confiada’s
eyes met mine she seemed to stare straight through me as if I weren’t
there. Suddenly she focused on my face,
and instead of the sharp objection to my presence that was her usual opening
line, Confiada said quite affably:
“Hello
Beyancca.” This shocked me so much I had
to bite my tongue to make sure I wasn’t asleep and dreaming what I was hearing.
“No, I’m
not dreaming,” I thought. Taking a closer look at Confiada, I saw she
was very tired. Her neck lacked it’s
usual arched splendour, in fact I would say Confiada looked a proper mess.
“You were
right Ellie, sorry about that,” I said
quietly. Ellie heard my apology but made
no sign of it.
Confiada stared into my face, her eyes suddenly
filling with tears.
“Confiada’s genuinely upset! This
is a first!” I thought
uncharitably. Confiada’s tears ran down
her nose and dripped onto the straw. I
glanced quickly at Cleo. She was staring
open mouthed in wonder at the sight of Confiada actually crying real tears.
“I never
knew she could!” She thought. Then Confiada did a very strange thing, for
her I mean. She actually grabbed hold of
me, as well as a horse can do so, and clung to me as if I were the last horse
on Earth! Confiada sobbed into my fur.
I saw then the mare behind the tough shell. yes, by nature Confiada is impatient and
pushy, but her dislike of being petted is something else entirely. And now something, I didn’t know what, had
triggered in her a startling reaction. I
asked Ellie about it.
“Search
me B’. I can’t help you there dear,” she
replied. I made a mental note to ask
Confiada, when she was able to face questions.
Confiada calmed down after a while and her tears dried
up.
“Wha’s
matter Confiada?” I asked gently. Confiada replied:
“What?
Oh nothing! Nothing at all to do
with you anyway Beyancca!” her tone
angered me.
“Why the
bloody hell did I bother? Save your
breath next time Beyancca.” I told
myself. I said:
“If you
don’t want me to help you then that’s fine by me.” Confiada glared at me.
“You
wouldn’t understand if I did want to tell you Beyancca.”
“Understand what?” I
inquired. Confiada took a shuddering
breath.
“Cracking
under the strain.” I thought. She blinked hard, trying to conceal tears I
guess. Confiada gave up the struggle
with her emotions and let it all hang out.
The mare’s embrace was so powerful that I nearly cried out! Confiada wept openly now, not caring who saw
her crying like a foal.
“Beyancca? Would you help
me? I know I don’t deserve it after what
I’ve done to you and the rest of the herd.
But there is a reason for my behaviour, no excuse for it, none at all,
but a reason there certainly is,”
Confiada sobbed. A part of me
still didn’t believe her, I asked as neutrally as I could:
“What
reason? Go on, I’m listening.” Confiada sniffed:
“Before I
came to the yard I lived with a family of humans. There were two fully grown humans, a male and
female one, and two very young humans also, they were the same sex as the elder
humans, one male the other female. I, I
was bought, hate that term but I have to use it. Well, I was bought for the female fully grown
human. It wasn’t her that was the
problem, no, on the contrary, she was gentle.
But those younger humans, Beyancca they wouldn’t listen when their
mother told them not to hit me! The
elder of the two younger humans used to delight in leading me into a false
sense of security by stroking me, and then, then he would hit me B’! This carried on for a few weeks until I
became too unmanageable for the grown female human. She sold me to a horsefair and the rest is
history.”
To say I was appalled by Confiada’s story wouldn’t be
doing justice to my emotions! I knew then
that my theory was correct, too correct for my liking! I stared at my old enemy in total disbelief.
“Can you
try and change your ways? Can you learn
that not all humans are gonna hit you?
Or is it too late for that Confiada?”
I asked.
“No
Beyancca, I’m sorry, no can do.” Was her
reply. With that she walked round me and
out of the driving yard. Ellie watched
her go with a hint of sadness in her eyes.
“I
really thought you were on to something there B’, she said sadly. Ellie cuddled up close to me and rested her
head on my shoulder. She trembled
slightly as she stood there and I felt my fur getting wet.
“You
crying Ellie dear?” I asked. Ellie sniffed and said:
“Oh
B’! I thought you really could’ve done
something for her!”
“hey Ellie,
don’t cry dear, don’t cry.” I coaxed
gently. I added:
“If she
doesn’t want my help I can’t force it on her can I.”
“I
suppose not.” Ellie choked. I hugged her tightly, this seemed to calm her
down a bit. Suddenly Ellie pulled away,
shook herself hard and looked out at the falling snow.
“It’s
Christmas day B’,” she said. To be quite
honest, I’d forgotten about it.”
“Oh yeah,
yeah it is Ellie,” I replied quickly.
“You’d
forgotten all about it hadn’t you B’,” she stated.
“I
suppose I had,” I admitted
shamefully. Ellie walked out into the
snow and clomped along towards the barn.
She entered and was stopped by Silver.
“Hi’ya
Ellie! ‘appy Christmas!” Silver whooped.
“And the same to you Silver dear,” Ellie replied. I strolled into the barn then. It was plain that Silver hadn’t expected
anyone else to arrive with Ellie for she jumped a mile when she saw me.
“Beyancca! Don’t, don’t do
that! You scared me,” she exclaimed. I replied:
“Sorry
about that.”
“Oh that’s
all right, it was a bit of a shock that’s all B’,” Silver replied. I looked round for Josh but couldn’t see him
anywhere. Ellie asked the question I
could not.
“Where’s
Josh Silver? Frightened him away have
you?” This last part was meant as a
joke, but Silver turned indignant!
“Yeah I
‘ave as a matter of fact! ‘e couldn’t
face me I suppose, and when I came round to see ‘im ‘e buggered off! I never wanted to talk to ‘im anyway
Ellie! ‘es worth nothing, I ‘ate
‘im!” I was furious!
“But
why? Why should you hate Josh?” Ellie asked pleasantly.
“’e
wouldn’t accept my proposition to ‘im!”
Silver yelled. I watched
incredulously as Josh appeared as of from thin air, crept up on silver and
yelled into her ear:
“And I’m
never gonna accept it, ever!” Silver
leapt a mile!
“Wha! Josh! I never saw you there!” She screeched. Josh replied:
“That was
the idea Silver. Now get your lousy
carcass out of my barn before I really lose my temper!” He snapped.
Silver fled as fast as her short legs would carry her. Josh remarked to noone in particular:
“Can’t be
doing with ‘orses like that.” I looked at my foal. He wasn’t small any more, no, quite large
really. Josh sidled up to me and
whispered:
“Silver’s
been really ‘acking me off lately.”
“What? About your refusal you
mean?” I asked.
“Yeah,
she talks about little else mum,” Josh
replied. I suggested:
“Tell her to get lost, I would.” Josh said:
“But mum,
I don’t wan’a offend ‘er. She’s a
friend,” I replied:
“She’s
not much of a friend if she keeps treating you like that Josh.” Josh’s ears drooped as he considered this.
“No, mum
you’re right, she’s not! ‘ell she’s
being unreasonable!” Josh kicked my door
in sudden anger.
“Josh!” I remonstrated. He tore open the bolt with his teeth and
stormed into my box, throwing himself forcefully onto the straw. My attention was diverted from Josh when one
of the Lads started stroking me gently.
Knowing that this often meant they wished to tell me something, I cocked
an ear to catch the human’s words.
“Um, B’,
I don’t know how to put this. But the
plain fact is you’re moving boxes dear.
Calman can’t stand the doves in hers so she’s moving into yours. A house swap you might say. All right with you?”
“Tough
luck on my part if it isn’t. You’re
gonna do it anyway, no matter what I have to say about it,” I replied.
So Josh and I were moved to another box. On the way we met Calman coming the other
way. She had obviously heard of my
situation and was greatly embarrassed and ashamed by it.
“Um, B’,
let me apologise for turfing you out of your box. It, It’s stupid, Irrational even, but I can’t
stand the doves that flap around in my old box.
They scare me so much I can’t eat anything! They flap about, banging into things,
including me I hasten to add! They’re an
inconsiderate bunch. I hoped you could
do something to teach them some manners.”
I sighed heavily at the thought of spending my nights with those
repulsive creatures.
“yeah
Calman, whatever dear,” I replied distractedly.
My tone upset her. Calman
whinnied pitifully:
“I’ll go
back B’. I’ll stay where I was, I never
meant to offend you!”
“No Calman
you haven’t dear. I’m sorry, but I hate
those doves as much as you do. They’re
inconsiderate, unclean creatures.” Josh
spoke up then:
“’ell
no. Why the ‘ell do we ‘ave to go and
suffer those ‘orrable flappy things mum?”
He groaned. I thought:
“Rosie was
right when she said the doves had no laws and no respect for others.” I replied to Josh’s question:
“I don’know
Josh darling.” Calman disappeared. I stomped into my new home and surveyed it
listlessly. I thought:
“A bed of
straw, good, a full haynet, better, water bucket, yeah that’s there, and
finally, well, doves. Oh hell!
Not so good.” I heard a flapping
sound and then Josh complaining:
”ere! Get off me! Youch!
Mum, them bloody flappy things are pecking me!” I beat the offensive
birds off him and rounded one up into a corner to have a chat.
“You
interfere with our lives in any way, I’ll crush you! Tell your disgusting tribe that! Make sure every member knows it and knows it
well!” The dove gave me a contemptuous
stare and told me where to go. I
promptly lost my temper and made as if to crush the scrawny sod. The dove pleaded with me not to crush him and
flew away into the rafters. Josh watched
it go with a mixture of fear and loathing in his eyes.
“Don’t
like those flappy things mum,” he whispered.
I noticed that Josh never referred to the doves as doves, always “flappy
things.”
The evening was drawing in now. Stable Lads went about their business with
lethargy showing in their body language.
I shot a look to my right to see what Josh’s loathsome flappy things
were doing. The doves were cooing away
in the rafters. I thought:
“They’re
probably gloating over the fact that they’ve got two new horses to drive
insane.” I felt Josh sidling up to me.
“Those
flappy things scare me mum,” he whimpered.
Chantilly overheard this and looked over the half wall that separated
her box from mine. Our eyes met and
there was a single thought transmitted between us. The affect was that Chantilly ended up
spending the night in my box.
Chantilly lay down beside Josh so he was sandwiched
between her body and mine. This
arrangement suited all three of us, not just Josh. For the night was a cold one, and rugs were
all right as far as they went, but, it was still freezing. I got up and drew the top half of the door
across. This plunged the whole box into
inky darkness. Returning to Josh’s side,
I lay down beside him once more. The
doves were quiet now.
“Peace at
last,” I thought disjointedly. Josh and Chantilly were asleep, Josh’s
breathing was deep and regular, while Chantilly snored loudly. I’d got used to her doing this and it no
longer bothered me, but the doves were not so accommodating.
“Shut
it!” One bellowed. The dove, finding his words fell on deaf
ears, proceeded to do something so horrible to Chantilly that it makes me sick
to think of it! The flappy thing flew
down from his lofty perch, landed between Chantilly’s ears and nipped her right
one in his beak! Chantilly squealed with
rage and pain!
“Get off
me!” She shook her head, sending the
dove spinning through the air until he smashed into the wall on the other side
of the box. I watched the pathetic
creature slide down the wall and end up in a crumpled heap on the straw.
Chantilly shouted:
“I hope
he’s bloody dead!”
“You might
be right Chantilly.” I replied. I took a look at Chantilly’s ear. Blood welled from the place where the dove
had nipped it.
“That’s
gonna be sore Chantilly,” I
remarked. Chantilly grimaced:
“Yeah
don’t remind me B’,” she said. Josh worked closer to me. He asked:
“Flappy
thing get Chantilly did it mum?” I
replied that it had and that thanks to the flappy thing, Chantilly now had a
sore and bleeding ear. Josh opened his
eyes and took a look at the affected ear.
“The
bugger made a dam good job of it didn’t it,”
he said. Chantilly snorted:
“Yeah ‘e
did. Bloody ‘urts it does!” Josh yawned, shook himself and got to his
feet.
“I can
see it’s giving you ‘ell Chantilly. I’ll
go and get the Manageress.” Chantilly
replied:
“Thanks
for the thought Josh dear. But it’s the
middle of the night! The Manageress
won’t like you waking ‘er up at this hour.”
Josh looked at her with real concern in his eyes.
“All
right, but the minute it gets too bad, you tell me and I’m gonna go straight to
the Manageress Chantilly,” he said
firmly.
“That told me didn’t it,” Chantilly remarked.
I
suddenly had a flash of inspiration.
“How about it Chantilly, if I get some
clean straw, dip it in the water bucket and then put that on your ear? Maybe that’d do the trick until morning?” Chantilly thought about this for a minute or
so before telling me to:
“’ave a go B’. Anything’s better than this.” I had a go.
I found some clean straw and applied my plan to it. Then I applied the sodden mass to Chantilly’s
ear, making sure it covered the affected bit.
“How’s that?” I asked hopefully.
“Better than it was B’, thanks for
that,” Chantilly replied. Josh looked at the clumsy patch up job I’d
performed.
“Them bloody flappy things aren’t worth
anything mum. They’re scum all of them,”
he said. Chantilly stretched out on the
straw and closed her eyes.
“Would it be at all possible for me to
‘ave some sleep now?” She asked. Josh replied:
“We’re not stopping you Chantilly.” Chantilly was soon snoring her head off. I lay down beside Josh and drifted off
myself.
Boxing
day arrived cold and wet. I woke to the
sound and smell of rain.
“Lovely weather ain’t it.” Chantilly complained. Josh Replied:
“yeah Chantilly, and that’s gonna get icy,
and then we’ll be slipping about, and then it’s gonna get bloody
dangerous.” The Manageress appeared
seemingly from nowhere. She spotted
Chantilly but didn’t ask what she thought she was doing in my box. The Manageress had stopped asking long
ago. She’d come to terms with the
unpredictability of horses ages ago, and it seemed that she thought anything
possible now. She asked:
“How’s the first night in your new box
been?” Josh got his uncensored version
in before I could stop him.
“Bloody awful if you want the
truth. Them bloody flappy things
wouldn’t let us get any sleep!” The
Manageress was mystified.
“Flappy things?” I replied:
“Flappy things is Josh’s name for the
doves. He hates them.”
“And you don’t?” Josh reminded me. I thumped him hard!
“Youch!
What was that for?” Josh
whimpered. I ignored him and tried to
gloss over what he’d just said. I said
quickly:
“yeah the night was fine, couldn’t have
had any better.” Chantilly snorted with
indignation.
“Yeah right! I’ve never ‘eard so much crap in all my
life! My first night was ‘ell, pure ‘ell
I tell you! Them doves made my life ‘ell
and I ain’t gonna make out it was anything else but ‘ell! Do you know what one of them buggers did? It perched on my ear and nipped it! Bled like crazy it did.” Chantilly twitched the affected ear.
“You see Now? These doves aren’t so innocent after
all!” She snapped. The Manageress looked up at the doves cooing
pleasantly in the rafters.
“Are you sure?” She asked.
Chantilly suddenly leapt to her feet and charged at the Manageress!
“Chantilly!” I yelled.
Chantilly nearly knocked the Manageress flying! She put her mouth close to the human’s ear
and screamed:
“My ear is bloody, yes? I’ve ‘ad a bloody awful night, and I’m sic to
the back teeth of them doves!
Chantilly’s fur stood up on end.
The Manageress looked at her enraged horse and smiled in her most
disarming manner. This was usually
enough to placate most horses, but not Chantilly. Oh no, Chantilly was furious!
“You listen to me ‘uman. My nights ‘ave been ‘ell and last night was
worse! If them doves don’t go I’ll make
sure I get ‘old of each one in turn and squash them! I can’t get no sleep, nor can B’ or
Josh. So you be a good ‘uman and get
them doves out of ‘ere, or I will,” she
warned.
The Manageress
was so shocked by Chantilly’s up front manner towards her that she couldn’t say
anything for five minutes or so. When
she finally recovered she tried to plead with Chantilly to lift the death
sentence meted out to all doves who crossed her path.
“No ‘uman,
I’m not gonna do what you ask. Them
doves are a menace and I ain’t gonna let a single one get away,” Chantilly said firmly. The Manageress used her last card.
“Look,
Chantilly, my daughter owns those doves,,,”
Chantilly stopped her:
“Well
tell ‘er to teach them some manners then!”
She shouted. The Manageress fled
into the office and slammed the door hard!
“Manage
to ‘ack the Manageress off did you Chantilly?”
Josh asked.
“Yeah,
‘ave an ‘orrable feeling I did. It’s not
that I wan’a ‘urt ‘er, I don’t. But them
doves need to be taught who’s boss round ‘ere, and it ain’t them I can tell
you,” Chantilly replied. I got to my feet and shook myself. Josh then asked me why I’d hit him.
“Look
Josh, I’m sorry for that love. It’s
inexcusable what I did. The reason was
this. Those doves are owned by the
Manageress’s daughter, she thinks the world of them. You don’t say things like that, well not in
the way you did,” I replied. I moved closer to him.
“Come ‘ere
josh,” I coaxed. He sidled up to me, and
I hugged him tightly.
“I’m sorry
for hitting you Josh. I shouldn’t have
done it,” I admitted shamefully. Josh sighed:
“yeah,
well I suppose what I did was a bit wrong as well. Per’aps it was a bit out of place,” he replied.
I watched as a huge grin traced it’s way across Chantilly’s face.
“Are we
all ‘appy families now?” She asked. Josh smiled:
“Shut it
Chantilly,” he said. I stretched and looked out at the day. The yard was swimming in rainwater, and this,
along with all the recent strife, made me wish I still had Rosie for support. don’t ask me what started
me off. But now I think of it, perhaps
it was partly the realisation of my position in the yard, a sort of coming to
terms with it if you like. I remembered
the day when Rosie had first felt anxiety after those men had come prowling
round her box. You know? Before the fire n’all that? Now I was leader, and it still seemed
impossible. To be truthful about it, I
try not to think of it. If I do it makes
me feel sick.
Josh noticed my preoccupied expression and commented:
“what’s up
mum? You all right?” I felt a rush of emotion that I couldn’t
explain. I wanted to cry, don’t ask me
why, but I fought back the tears and tried to focus on something, anything to
keep my mind away from whatever it was that was upsetting me. I wandered aimlessly about my box for a while
and then stumbled outside into the open air.
I wandered into the barn, straight into a full blown row between Brydy
and Fleur.
(FLEUR)
“I don’t believe any peace will come from this so
called Process Brydy.”
(BRYDY)
“But at least they’re trying!”
(FLEUR)
“Oh yeah right.
And what do you call it when you’ve got humans getting,,,” I got bored of it then. Yeah Politics is all right in very small
doses. But Brydy and Fleur had made it a
way of life lately, the arguing about it I mean. Fleur’s innate need to challenge anything
said to her was fed amply by Brydy’s convictions. Fleur could argue any point, without really
understanding a word of what she was saying.
There was no real harm in that.
Brydy could leave Fleur out of it and often did. It was Misty who Brydy had to be careful
of. Misty wasn’t ignorant of politics,
no quite the opposite. But she never
kept up to date. This meant that Misty’s
knowledge of the goings on in her country, let alone Brydy’s was patchy, if not
seriously out dated. Fleur and Brydy
stopped their heated discussion when they saw me approaching.
“Hi
B’!” Brydy Welcomed. She scampered towards me and hugged me
tightly. To say I was a little shocked
by her manner would not be understating it.
I wondered what had brought this on.
Perhaps she was feeling a bit insecure about our friendship after the
leadership thing n’all? I didn’t know
and still have very little idea.
Ellie came sprinting round the corner, her fur
standing up on end and her ears flat back!
She skidded to a halt and yelled at me:
“What
the bloody hell’s this I hear about me being moved to the farm! I come in here after a hack to be told by
Jamie that I’m being shifted! I’ve not
been consulted about this!” I was
confused.
“Hang on a
bit Ellie. You’re saying that the humans
are gonna move you? Today?” Ellie nearly danced with rage.
“yes they
are! I’m furious!” She screeched.
“I can
see that Ellie,” I replied calmly. Ellie stamped her foot in anger!
“How the
hell can they do that?” She asked.
“Quite
easily,” I thought as rain began to fall
on the roof of the barn. Ellie looked up
at the sound.
“Fitting
isn’t it,” she said flatly. Ellie rested her head on my shoulder.
“I’m
gonna miss you B’,” she said sadly. I replied:
“What? No Ellie, the farm’s only a short distance
away.” Ellie sighed:
“But
there’s a road I have to cross. I can’t
cross roads.” I saw her point. Cars came haring down the road at a rate of
notts and it was dangerous for humans, let alone horses to cross. Ellie released me and trudged off out of
sight. I was turning away when I felt
someone nuzzling my shoulder. I turned
my head to see Muffin standing behind me.
“Hi
Beyancca. Um, Can I talk to you for a
bit?” She asked. I nodded:
“yeah of
course, fire away.” I replied.
Well
that’s that. After narrating forty pages
I’m shattered! I’ve heard that the human
who writes this stuff is sending this
over the Internet, whatever that is. Rosie did tell me once, but noone else seems
to know. Ah well, I’m going to
sleep. That’s if I can get any, with
them doves flapping about my ears and Josh doing his best to crush them. See ya sometime in the future!
I, MARTIN WILSHER, here by assert and give notice of my right under
section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as
the author of the foregoing article.
© Copyright Martin Wilsher 1998-2000
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